A Heart of Darkness
by sepoveda
Summary: Commander Shepard romanced Ashley for five years, but anticipating his death at the end of the reaper war he can't deny his feelings for Liara anymore. The night before the Cerberus Assualt he visits the Shadow Broker to reveal all his secrets.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: **As usual characters, places, and some things belong to Bioware. This was actually inspired by Owelpost's Glacial Fire. I wanted to do something similar, but different. I hope others can enjoy this story. If you haven't read Glacial Fire, I would call it a must. This is my first attempt at this type of thing so be forewarned there may be room for improvement.

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Commander Shepard sat on his bed in the loft staring into the empty fish tank. He'd sent Ash away hours ago, but sleep eluded him. He just knew he would die in this final battle. He needed to confess he needed to be hundred percent honest with someone. There was only one person, one soul in a Galaxy on the brink that he wanted to know everything. He took the elevator down to the crew deck and strode with purpose to Liara's cabin. He found her absorbed in her work as usual, barely glancing in his direction.

"Hello Shepard. You are up late considering we will be in battle tomorrow."

He walked past her and sat on her bed, staring at her.

"I'm going to die soon, Liara."

The Asari turned her full attention to him, her face a mask of sorrow and concern.

"Do not lose hope. We have a fighting chance."

He shook his head, "You misunderstand. I know we will win, but no matter what my time has come to an end. My life has been a training exercise for this battle. I will win, but in the end I'll cease to exist when it's over."

The Asari looked crushed, "Why would you even think that?"

He looked up his own face contorted in a show of disgust, "Liara, I…I didn't come to talk about that. Just believe me when I say it all ends for me soon. I am here because I want someone to know the truth. I want someone to know who I really am and what I have truly experienced."

He'd always known her feelings for him, but he couldn't let it go anywhere. The Asari meld would unravel everything, every dirty secret, and deep desire. Ashley had been the safe bet, watching her face turn to bitterness and anger he realized how much she loved him. How frustrated by the lack of reciprocation she'd felt.

"Why not speak to Lt. Commander Williams." He was sure she didn't intend the vehemence to saturate every word, but it did.

He stood up and approached her stopping close enough to smell the sweet woody scent that was Liara T'soni. He'd first noticed it on Therum and loved it ever since. He watched her face a solitary finger traced the line of her jaw.

"I never loved her. I never wanted her, like I wanted you. The sad truth is that she was safer than you. The meld would have ruined everything. Now with the end near and it doesn't matter."

Her face seemed to shatter with his admission. The tears fell from her closed eyes, yet she made no sound. He found himself wiping them away. They stood there in silence for what seemed like forever.

"Shepard. I would have sacrificed that just to be with you. I would have accepted that I would never have that, if I had only you in my arms these past five years."

His laugh was bitter and painful. "You wouldn't have been satisfied with that. You deserved so much more. I'd hoped you would find solace in another's arms. I couldn't inflict that kind of pain on you."

He looked into her eyes as they changed from their normal calm blue, to a storming sea with flecks of lightning.

"You tell me this now. When you plan on dying, leaving me with nothing? Is that not just as painful?"

He embraced her and held her tight. She didn't fight him, but he felt her anger in her rigid pose.

"I came here to leave you with something. I…I came to give you all of me. The only soul in the galaxy that will know all there is about Commander Shepard. I want you to see why…I denied myself the joy of loving you. I want you to see why you deserve better. Will you accept what I offer?"

Her answer was to laugh with her own bitterness and rage. "Was there a doubt?"

He sighed heavily, "No."

He took a step back and began to undress. Not daring to look at her until he was nude before her. She drank in the sight of him exploring every scar, mole, and even the glowing veins. She took his hand and led him to the bed, she pushed him down to sit on the bed as she removed her own clothing. His gaze followed the curves of her body down to her feet and returned back up until he met her eyes. He held out a hand which she took as she straddled him. He kissed she tenderly as if she were as delicate as crystal. Her mouth opened to his explorations. His gentle exploration of her mouth became forceful as desire took root within him. His mouth trailed to her chin, following her jawline to her neck, and further down until he found her hardened nipple.

He inhale her scent, there was a new smell emanating from the site of her desire. He maintained control of himself as he wanted to savor this moment. He listened to the soft moans and gasps as he explored her body with his hands. He enjoyed the soft, but textured feel of her skin. It was like running his hands over a pair of worn old jeans. Her hands had found an anchor upon his ears. She used them to pull him closer as she arched her back.

The fierce tug broke what little control he'd maintained, and he found himself penetrating her. She rode him desperately, as if the mere action would keep him alive forever. He'd felt her mind brushing against his own. He looked upon her face, watching the expression, seeing love, desire, and even sadness. He arched her back driving deeper within her. The Commander watched her expression take on a look of surprise tinged with pleasure. "Oh Goddess, embrace…"

Suddenly she was within his mind. He could feel all the emotions he'd seen upon her face. He let her feel the love he had for her, the longing of five years and felt them reflected back. "_Shepard, I have always loved you._" He suddenly flipped her onto her back and began driving deeper and harder. "_I know love. Tonight I will give you anything you want_." He felt his consciousness drawn deeper into her. It was like diving into a pool of cool refreshing water on a hot day. Except it was all Liara. "_I want you. If you will not come back to me, I want to have your child_." He showed her images of the children he'd wanted with her, the future he'd always known was impossible. "_Why is it impossible?_" He arched her back once more and drove deeper. "_You can have your answers and the child, but after I show you everything_." He felt her conflict and pain. "_Focus on this moment on us together as one_." She did as he asked moving her hands down his back. She cupped his ass and pulled him closer and deeper. She wanted more telling him without words. She felt he was on the edge of oblivion and merged the essences of their being. In that perfect moment of completion, of finally being one she felt the rush of his orgasm. Her body responded in kind, the single entity that had once been two shuddered. The entity recognized the tensing of muscles, and felt the flare of biotics die down.

He lay on top of her aware that the bond was gone, but neither could move. He felt the tears upon his face. He didn't know when he'd started to cry. It was a moment of realization for him. He'd denied himself this for years and never understood why. It wasn't until this moment that he realized the fear that she wouldn't love him after she saw the truth. It was the only fear he'd ever let into his heart.


	2. Chapter 2

The room was dark with the exception of the Commander's glowing red eyes and the dim glow of his veins. The couple sat in the darkness ignoring their nudity. They faced one another holding each other's hands. Liara's voice was soft, barely above a whisper.

"Embrace eternity."

Their minds weaved together becoming tangled much like the cabling of her monitors. She found herself standing beside the commander watching his childhood home of Mindoir. The sky was a light with the burning embers of sunrise. She noticed the small gathering of prefab buildings. The entire colony could be seen from atop the hill they were standing on. They walked down the main dirt road. The inhabitants were trapped in time standing completely still. It wasn't until she saw a smaller version of the Commander that time seemed to move. The child was playing with a model ship on the front lawn. His face was innocent and unmarred by the markers of war. Her heart ached to know the pain this child would experience in his life. A little girl with similar features, but slightly younger was sitting next to him playing with a doll.

"John get the fuck in here now." The voice was harsh and violent.

The child's face became awash in fear. He quickly dropped the toy and jumped to run into the house. Their surroundings faded until the interior of the prefab could be seen. The child was standing in the kitchen in front of a man twice his size with a bottle in one hand and a knife in the other. "Did you fucking have my knife?" There was rage in the voice, but the face was devoid of any emotion. The eyes were dead and reminded liara of many of the dead bodies she'd seen. The child merely nodded. The commander's mind was open to her. She knew he hadn't touched the knife, but the child had learned the truth did not matter. The punishment for the truth was harsher than for lies. The man grabbed the little boy by the collar. "What did I tell you about touching my things?" The child closes his eyes and turns his head from the pungent odor of alcohol. "Not to." The man turned the child around and began carving words into his back. The knife was sharp enough to slice through his clothing without any resistance. The child's eyes fill with tears, he made no sound. An audible response was cause for further assault. Liara turned away from the sight, only to see the child's mother watching. The woman's beautiful features marred by the bruise upon her cheek, the crook of her oft broken nose, and the dullness to her green eyes. She saw so much of the Commander in that face.

"_Goddess. She knew?" The words slipped out as a gasp of horror._

The adult commander simply nodded. The images disappeared replaced by a doctor's office, the child was now a preteen. The young commander held his arm over his head as the doctor applied medigel to a severe burn on his side. The light in the little boy's eyes were missing from this version.

"Do you want to talk about how this happened?" The boy looked over at the doctor.

Something flickered in those eyes for just a moment. He was debating about whether to tell the truth. It slipped from his lips without a thought, "I stopped my father from beating my mother. He held me in an arm lock and forced my mother to burn me with a hot pan." The doctor flinched at just the mention of what had occurred. The doctor nodded silently and continued working. "John, life is full of decisions. Mindoir is a prime example of that. We decided to get away from the Alliance and its suffocating laws. As a result we need people that are skilled in a number of areas. While we want to do the right thing, the colony's best interests come first. The reality is no one is going to stop your father. It's impossible to get someone with his engineering skill to settle down on a planet that offers no real financial benefit. That being said understand you'd be best served to stay out of the affairs of your parents."

Liara's anger at this man rivaled that of the Shadow Broker. It was Shepard that quelled it, _"He's already dead, no point in getting angry about it."_

She shook her head and let go of the anger, "_It doesn't change that he was wrong."_

She sensed a sort of amusement from the man she loved, but she didn't wish to delve into it. Again the images faded to be replaced by the prefab living room. A teenage Commander Shepard was walking towards the back rooms. Liara took in the beginning of muscular arms and chiseled features. The couple followed the teenager hearing the sounds coming from the back room. She reached further into his mind to realize it was his sister's room. She could feel the worry within the teen. He opened the door and the three of them saw his teenage sister with their father's gentiles in her mouth. The teen Shepard turned and ran. Liara's closed her eyes. The sadness of the scene had overwhelmed her and the tears fell. She felt his arms around her as they stood in darkness.

"_How did such a monster create a man like you?"_

The commander simply grunted in response. He was rubbing her back trying to take away the pain and sadness. When he sensed she'd regained her composure he pulled away. He took her hand and played another scene for her.

The two Shepard children were in the woods outside of the colony. He was throwing rocks into the lake.

"John, I have to do it. He doesn't beat on mom or you as much when I…do things for him." He stopped and looked at her. His features reminded her of that day long ago when the Council told him the reapers were a myth. The anger was different it was raw and wild.

"Our mother isn't worth your concern and I can take care of myself. I'm not a child anymore."

The sadness in the girl's eyes betrayed his statement as a lie.

"You need to tell someone. Have them arrest the bastard."

Her face crumpled into a look of despair.

"I can't believe you think they don't know. They all know what he does to mom, to you, and I'm sure they know about what's happening to me. Haven't you noticed the sad way they look at me? I know that every boy that asked me out knew, they expect things of me." She shook her head looking down at the flower in her hands. "There's nothing we can do."

He looked at her, "They will all pay one way or another."

His sister rose and walked off. "There's no point."

Liara felt the pain in both Shepards, and squeezed his hand gently. It was all the comfort she could offer. He looked at her, "It helps."

The image changed to a scene of another prefab unit, this one contained numerous monitors and communications equipment. An older gentleman was watching leaning against a wall as the teen Shepard watched the monitors.

"I appreciate you doing the watch this weekend, John. I need to get that crop planted today or no one's going to have enough food for us to last the winter."

The man straightened and headed towards the door. "No problem, Mr. Jacobson."

The man left and the teen watched the monitors. He noted the various types of ships in the area. She watched as time sped up slightly until about an hour passed, then it slowed back to normal time. The teen was looking at the monitor. He pulled up the analysis of several ships with Batarian signatures. The boy spoke to himself, "Slavers." He sat back and Liara recognized the look as the one she'd seen so often on the battlefield. He was determining the best strategy. Liara's brows creased with confusion. Suddenly the younger Shepard had his omni tool out and typing furiously.

"_What are you doing_?" She watched as the monitors all shut down before the teen.

The adult Shepard looked down, his voice tight. "_I overloaded the Capacitors. I made it look like a typical system overload. That kind of thing happened every so often and I knew we didn't have any spares_." Liara was horrified. He knew they were coming and had sabotaged the only hope of advance notice. The Commander said nothing. He just changed the scene to him and his sister in the woods by the lake.

"John, why are we out here?" Her brother looked at her. His face was hard and the tension visible in the flexing of his jaw.

"I wanted to shoot some birds. I thought you could be my spotter." He simply shrugged.

The girl smiled weakly, "I thought you hated me. You haven't really talked to me for about a month now."

The hardness melted from his face replaced by what Liara thought might be affection. "I could never hate you. You're the only person that acknowledges what I go through. The doc patches me up and sends me back to the madman that mangled me. Mom looks through me as if I'm nothing. The rest of the colony acts like I'm just fine." He looked off into the distance waiting for the sound of the ships.

She sighed, "John, things have gotten better since I….for a while."

His entire body flexed in anger and tension. He regained control and grabbed the hunting rifle. "Come on we're losing daylight." The two started to walk further into the woods when the first sounds of gunships reached them. His sister turned back towards the colony.

"John what was that?" He was smiling. The instrument of his vengeance had arrived.

"Sounds like the colony is under attack, we should hide."

The girl started to move back toward the colony, "No. We have to go back for mom."

He ran towards her grabbing her shoulder. "Janey, she wouldn't go back for us, let her die."

She turned on him. "How can you say that? She loves us, she just can't fight him that's all. He's too strong for her."

She saw the smile the joy he had at knowing they would all die. "Oh my God, you knew. How could you…" She pushed him away from her, "You're just like him. You're a monster." She turned and ran back towards the colony.

The teenager grabbed his chest. The only person he'd ever thought truly cared about him. She saw a monster, saw their father in him.

He shook his head, "It doesn't matter. I can't let her get hurt." He ran after her. He'd reached the edge of the colony in time to see her tackled by a large Batarian. He watched as they restrained her. He knew he was no match for them. It only took him a moment to decide what he must do. He lifted the rifle and shot his own sister in the head. Then he turned and fled into the woods. Only one thought repeated over and over in his head. "She's right I am a monster."


	3. Chapter 3

They stood apart staring at one another in total darkness.

"You are not a monster. You were still a child and you used the only weapon at your disposal to save yourself and the one you loved. It was merciful to kill her."

His body was full of corded tension. He closed his eyes and pushed more images around them. The images coalesced around them, of his enlistment, boot camp, and numerous lovers. Suddenly a single woman dominated the images. The woman lay on a bed next to a naked Commander staring at the ceiling. Liara had never seen his body prior to the Cerberus reconstruction. The difference was startling. His body was a web of scars and burn marks. Some she'd thought were from battle, but realizing the truth of his childhood most were inflicted by his father's cruelty.

The image of the body she recovered crossed her mind. The re-entry had burned off most of his skin and the impact had eviscerated what was left. It was no wonder she was ignorant of his tormented body.

The woman was tracing a scar on his chest, looking up at his face.

"John, I have something to tell you." She was hesitant, but there was excitement in her eyes.

He looked down into her eyes, "Something wrong?"

"I'm…I'm pregnant. We are going to have a baby." She smiled at him with her eyes pleading.

He sat up suddenly and turned on her, his anger fierce and piercing.

"You have to get rid of it." His voice was lethal.

She shook her head, "No, you will make a great…"

"I want no part of it. You don't know what you've done. That thing in your womb is a cancerous lesion you need to cut out before it can become a festering wound." His voice was full of venom and disgust.

He quickly stood up and began to dress. The woman was wounded by the words. She didn't reach out to him, she just crumbled onto the bed with tears in her eyes.

"You will know the truth, if you continue this foolishness" The words were said as he strode out the door.

The scene dissipated to form a new image. Liara looked upon the scene of smoke and fire. The young Commander in his fatigues along with three marines, she recognized the woman. She probed his mind to realize her name was Sara Salinger. She was much the same as in the previous image, except now there was a barely noticeable bump. Liara felt jealousy and bitterness that this woman had his child in her womb. She pushed aside the thoughts and focused on the scene.

"Salinger and Winston I need you to hold this position as long as you can. Klinger and I will fall back with the civilians and get them to safety.

Winston saluted his commanding officer and responded, "Aye, Aye Sir."

Shepard and Klinger started off when the woman ran behind them and caught Shepard's shoulder.

Her voice was a whisper, but the anger was obvious. "John, this is suicide and you know it."

His smile was distorted and ugly. "You're a marine Salinger. We sacrifice for the innocent. I think you have an extra incentive to make sure this position holds." He turned and left her with tears of rage and sorrow.

The image faded again to a podium at the now infamous site of the Commander's final stand. An Alliance Admiral stood at the podium.

"We are here to posthumously award the Purple Heart to Sara Salinger and Alistair Winston as well as to decorate their commanding officer for his bravery and leadership."

The image was slowly fading, she looked over at the man she loved silently for four years. He watched the scene with no emotion. It was as if he were empty. The remembered Shepard was relieved. He'd prevented the birth of another of his kind. The galaxy was better off if he was the last of his line.

Liara remained silent as the images shifted to the Commander having a vasectomy to prevent any more accidents. A part of her was saddened to realize he thought so little of himself. He didn't know his true value.

In the blink of an eye she was standing in the storage area of the SSV Normandy. The room was empty except for the Commander and Kaiden Alenko. The tension between the two caught her attention. She'd never noticed it before, probably because of her own infatuation with the Commander. She found she didn't pay others the amount of attention they deserved because of it.

"Kaiden, scuttlebutt says you have intentions towards T'Soni." His voice was tense, but not quite angry.

"Commander my intentions are none of your concern. Given your relationship with Williams I don't think you have room to speak." There was bitterness to his tone.

Liara marveled at the images before her. She'd never known he'd felt anything but sympathy toward her.

"My relationship with Williams is none of your concern. The Asari is barely an adult by her species standards. She's recently lost her mother and is no condition to start a relationship. I suggest you avoid pursuing this matter, or I'll drop you so hard they'll need tweezers to fill your coffin." The tension was now pure rage.

"I will file a complaint if you push this Commander." Kaiden was so angry his biotics wreathed him in a white glow.

The Commander turned on his heels entered the elevator and left.

Liara was suddenly horrified. She turned to the Commander standing next to her. "Is that why you left him on Virmire to die?"

He refused to look at her. "What do you think?"

She felt the tears in her eyes, but willed them to stay where they were.

She turned back to the images before her.

The familiar scene before her was Illium, the trading floor outside her office. Shepard was looking up at her office window with Miranda Lawson standing next to him. Her features were sharp and unreadable as ever. "Miranda, I want all footage Cerberus has on Dr. T'Soni since my death."

The woman simply arched a single eyebrow before responding, "Understood Commander."

The next scenes flickered by quickly showing the Commander watching hours of video of Liara's exploits in obtaining his body. She noticed his eyes becoming a darker shade of red as the video passed, Cerberus' recruitment of her and their manipulations to obtain their goal.

Liara felt a pain in her chest watching his life with Cerberus pass by knowing she'd caused much of the pain he'd experienced. The images slowed shortly after they'd defeated the reaper embryo on the Collector home world. The commander was picking himself up from the wreckage of the platform. He looked around and noticed that Zaheed and Miranda were pinned under debris. The commander walked over put a bullet in the back of Zaheed's head and then walked over to Miranda who was struggling to get free. He knelt down balancing himself on the balls of his feet. He looked down into her piercing blue eyes. His face was serene and he cocked his head as if considering a puzzle.

"Commander, help me get this off. We need to get out of here." She was breathless and tired.

"Thank you for your dedication to my reconstruction. However Cerberus made one miscalculation. The only person I feel anything for is Liara. That being said I can't let you live knowing you used her. You corrupted her in order to get what you wanted. That is something I can't forgive."

He stood up and shot her between the eyes. He turned and ran to catch the Normandy.

"That was not an act of a monster." Her voice reflected the affection she'd felt at his loyalty towards her. She didn't realize he'd known what she'd endured for him. She always assumed he was unaware of the sacrifices she'd made.


	4. Chapter 4

He couldn't look at her. He couldn't handle the thought of seeing her look at him. He pushed back the agony of revealing himself to her. He pushed the memory to the forefront of his mind focusing in on that moment. He felt a rush of air and realized he wasn't projecting this memory. He was reliving it. He was in his cabin staring at the battered helmet in his hands. He'd died wearing it. The pain in his chest not just remembered, but real for a moment. He was brought back to reality by the swish of the door. He looked up and Garrus moved with determination until he stood before him.

"We need to dock for repairs, I suggest Illium. I'm sure Liara would have the contacts to help us."

The commander didn't move. He just stared at his friend as if he were an apparition.

"Shepard!" His voice was raised.

"We aren't going back to Illium."

"Why the hell not, we have the data to help Liara and she has the resources to help us."

"We aren't going to Illium."

"Pyjackshit. We've lost Cerberus funding and have been drifting through space for three days. Why the fuck wouldn't we help her?"

Garrus wasn't ready for the violent reaction. Reflexes born in battle manifested themselves. The Commander had dropped the helmet and leapt across the short distance slamming Garrus into the fish tank hearing the glass splinter. He watched as the splintering glass blossomed as if it were a flower in spring.

"You saw what she's become, I am responsible for that. Why would I want to go back and see what I've done?" His voice filled the room in his rage.

The commander could feel the anger as if it was a living thing. It was as if this moment was real and not just a memory.

"You didn't do it. We did." The voice was small as if from a child.

His brows knitted in confusion as he looked at the Turian's pained expression.

"She asked for help. She asked Ash, Tali, Wrex, and me to help her. We each turned her away. Our own grief was too fresh, it was too much to ask us to look upon your body and know you were dead. It was easier to just bury an empty coffin and try to move on. We thought she would realize it was foolish and return. How was I to know she'd become…"

He looked away to his left.

"Become what Garrus? What did she become?"

He watched the blue eye turn towards him.

"Whatever she needed to be to succeed, it wasn't your fault it was ours. Maybe I want a chance to make it right. I turned my back on her and what happened? She succeeded in her mission and I failed on Omega. Maybe she was better off on her own, but is it wrong to want redemption?"

The room was deathly quiet. The Commander turned back toward the edge of the bed and picked up the helmet. Maybe she was still in there somewhere.

"EDI, set a course for Illium and contact Dr. T'Soni. Inform her we will need assistance with repairs."

"ETA to Illium 4 days, the communication will be sent once we are within range of a comm. buoy."

He turned back to Garrus, his features softened.

"The fault is still mine, Garrus. I should have left her on the Citadel after defeating Saren."

The tension in the room had eased enough for Garrus to be comfortable again.

"I'd liked to have seen you try. She's in love with you."

He looked at his friend. It was the first time anyone had actually vocalized that truth. He felt the desire in his heart, and the pain that he had to deny it.

"I know." He turned to place the helmet back on the desk.

He just stood there ignoring the other person in the room.

"Shepard?"

"Hmm?"

"Shit. How could I be so stupid? I've been rumbling through a china shop like a blood raged Krogan. You're in love with her! How long?"

He was too tired to fight or deny. He turned to his friend.

"I don't know when it happened, but I know I've been fighting it for a long time."

"Why bother? She loves you and you love her, well there is Ash. I'm sure you can let her down easy, especially after Horizon."

He sat on the bed and shook his head.

"Garrus, no one sees me. The entire galaxy looks at me and sees a hero. They don't know what I really am or what I'm capable of doing. You've seen the things I've done. She deserves someone that can't do those things. Someone that would be disgusted and outraged at my very existence."

He knew he looked exactly as he felt, lost. He was torn between what he wanted and what he deserved. He barely heard his friend's words.

"Has it ever occurred to you getting what she wants is more important than what she deserves?"

Shepard closed his eyes and pushed past the pain. He felt the rage that had served him for most of his life. He imagined it swirling around him. He was himself again.

"The subject is closed, permanently. We will help Liara and then I'm contacting Hackett to turn myself into the Alliance."

The image faded to a collection of his memories as he performed his duties around the Normandy. He could sense that she was crying, but he couldn't bring himself to comfort her. He was too shaken by the memory to help her. He merely pushed his memories forward. The images moved rapidly over the repair of the Normandy, their reunion in her office, the hunt for Vassir through the Azure hotel, and the defeat of the Shadow Broker.

He showed her the rescue of Dr. Kenson and their return to her base. She witnessed his collapse in front of Object Rho. He showed her his dream.

_The image around them morphed into the forest of Mindoir and amorphous figures surrounded them. A cacophony of whispers fighting to be heard, a single voice managed to rise above them all._

"_Do not resist. You will be spared."_

_The two figures stood watching the little boy Shepard had once been. His father stood before him, except his eyes glowed yellow. He held his son's chin in his hand._

"_Accept that you are one of us. It is your fate to join us. Do not fight us."_

_The little boy's eyes closed as if waiting for his father to strike him. When his eyes open they are red, his entire body burst into flames. The child's face contorted with vehemence and the flames lashed out engulfing his father. The forest broke into the sound of screams, the Prothean beacon images merged into the scene. A bright beam cut down the amorphous crowd around the two figures. The screams were deafening. _

"_I know my destiny. I am a monster created for one purpose. My only purpose is to destroy you and your kind. I won't die until I have stood upon your corpses."_

_Once the words were out of the child's mouth, the dream world disappeared_.

The couple watched his escape, a conversation with Harbinger, and the narrow escape through the Alpha relay.

He stood before the Galaxy map staring as the entire system went dark. He dropped his head and rested it on the bar in front of him. His thoughts at the time were heard as if they'd been said aloud.

"I truly am a Monster. I am no better than all those people that sacrificed two children for the good of a colony. Now the entire galaxy will see me for who I really am. I can't hide anymore."

They stood in the darkness of his mind.

"Shepard?"

"Yes?"

"How did you resist indoctrination?"

"I thought of what they would do to you."

"Look at me Shepard."

He turned and looked into eyes that sparkled like sapphires.

"It doesn't change anything. I still love you. You are not who you think you are."

He shook his head.

"I promised you anything, do you still want the child? Knowing what I am?"

"How could I not, no one has ever endured so much for me."

"Then take what you need."

"I already have. Why would you let me have your child when you believe that it would be a mistake?"

He smiled with sorrow and maybe regret.

"An Asari child wouldn't have my blood in their veins. You will take only whatever good is within me. I don't need to worry about a child that doesn't have my father's poison within it."

"Garrus was right. I would rather have you than what you think I deserve."

He cupped her cheek. "I have nothing more to give. I will die at the end of this war."

She hugged him with her head on his shoulder, "Then stay with me tonight. Let me sleep with you in my arms at least one night."

He smiled, "That I can give you."


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note:** I would like to thank Trol for their comments on the story. It helped me with this very difficult Chapter. All feedback is helpful in the process. I would also like to let all the Dragon Age fans know I was tempted to add the line "Swooping is bad", but couldn't make it happen. Just didn't fit the confines of the Story. LogicalPremise is a far superior writer than myself and encourage others to read Of Sheep and Battle Chicken. That being said I am humbled by the reviews left regarding this particular story.

* * *

Liara awoke to the feel of the Commander's strong arms possessively holding her. It was the culmination of years of dreams and desires. She reveled in the feel of his rippling muscles against the soft curves of her body. As quickly as she embraced the feelings of joy and happiness she felt the crushing pain of reality. She would only feel this for one night. It wouldn't last long enough for her to truly savor it. She felt the tears sting her eyes. A memory stilled her sorrow.

"_Do not cry little wing. Never let disappointment cause you sorrow, it is just another opportunity." _

_The sea of Armali stood before them. She watched the birds of prey dive into the ocean in search of food. She felt the salt air tingle upon her crest and felt calm. Her mother's voice furthering her relaxation, they were to go to an exhibit on Prothean architecture. The Matriarch's schedule had yet again altered their plans. The disappointment had caused the small child to cry. The beach was a poor substitute in Liara's mind._

"_There is much to learn here." The Matriarch stretched out her arm and pointed toward the rocks. _

"_Notice the Prisapre birds nestled in the rocks. The Goddess gifted them with wings so they may soar in the clouds, yet they are content to swim instead. They are much like you little wing. I give you wings that you may touch the stars, yet you are content to dig in the dirt. I will always push you toward the greatness you possess. No matter the path you chose I will never abandon you."_

_She remembered looking up at her mother as the yellow dress billowed in the wind._

"_You are too busy to always be there when I need you."_

_The matriarch's chuckle was almost musical._

"_You do not need me Little Wing. I have planted a seed of wisdom within you; it will blossom into a strong tree that will take root no matter what path you decide. Long after I am gone that tree will be within and I will always be with you." _

_She looked down at the child, the love upon her face washed over Liara and she trusted the truth in the words._

"_One cannot turn back the tide, but does that stop you from fighting it? The tide is strong and vicious. The key to life is to know when to fight the tide, when to let it wash over you, and when to let the tide carry you where it may."_

_Liara's brows knitted in confusion, "I do not understand. If one cannot turn back the tide, why would I fight it?"_

_The Matriarch smiled and walked toward the water. Her biotics flared and a small bubble appeared before her. She focused on the bubble wafting it towards the water. Liara watched the bubble enter the water and enlarge. The water flowed around the dark energy, yet the water within the sphere of energy remained still._

"_Sometimes we can fight the tide on a small scale and with perseverance we may one day be strong enough to fight it on a grander scale."_

_She watched as the bubble became larger forcing the water into an even wider circle. She found herself mimicking her mother with a biotic bubble of her own. She decided this was better than any exhibit._

Liara closed her eyes and fell back to sleep knowing she would find a way to fight this tide, he would see the truth of the man within Commander Shepard.

When she awoke again she found him sitting on the edge of the bed, though his back was to her she could see the weight of the galaxy was once again upon his shoulders. She wished she could ease his burdens.

"What are you thinking?"

"I was thinking of Thane. He was the only one that I truly understood. He was made into the perfect killer, yet he'd found peace in the end. He even prayed for me."

She already knew this, but didn't interrupt.

"Is there any redemption for everything I've done? Will saving the galaxy be enough to save my soul? Do I even have a soul to save?"

She reached out and touched his shoulder.

"I have touched your soul. It exists. You have already found redemption, just not accepted it. I love you because I never focused on what you have done, but why you have done it."

He turned staring at her, she could see the conflict within him.

"Thank you, Liara."

He leaned back and kissed her softly upon the lips. He got up and began to dress. She found herself getting up and dressing as well, the distance between them seemed to grow. Liara felt the loneliness of the past few years wrap around her. She finished dressing and turned to find him looking at her with a strange expression. It was gone almost as quickly as she'd noticed it. The expression was replaced by the cold hard lines of the beast he imagined himself to be, their moment was over.

"I should go."

He headed for the door before she could respond. She watched in silence as the door opened, and the Commander nearly ran into Ashley Williams. The woman didn't register any surprise at seeing the Commander exiting Liara's cabin. She looked as if she was going to say something, when he simply shook his head stopping her and walked away. The dark haired woman walked into the cabin. The anger in her eyes forced Liara to draw up all her inner strength for the possible altercation.

There was venom in the dark eyes and it seeped into the words making Liara flinch as if she'd been struck.

"How long have you been fucking him? Did you swoop in after Horizon, ."

The Asari felt no sorrow or guilt. She wouldn't apologize for accepting his gift. She couldn't contain the anger that she felt rise within her.

"I did not go to him. I accepted his choice for five years. I was given one night to your years. I wish I had what you squandered. I have loved him from a distance and I will not apologize for being there when he needed me."

A bitter laugh cracked through the anger.

"He needed you? He has never needed anyone. I think you give yourself too much credit."

Liara felt the crackle of her biotics and barely registered the room lighting up in a bluish white glow.

"What have you ever done for him? I came to you and begged you to help me find his body. You could have taken a leave of absence and helped me. You couldn't be bothered. Do you remember laughing in my face when I said I would do it myself?"

Ashely had started to move closer to the Asari her fists clenched.

"I wouldn't call handing him over to Cerberus helping him."

"He deserved better than to die alone in the vastness of space. He deserved better than having his precious Alliance, the council, friends, and lover abandoning his body to the Collectors. I knew Cerberus would use and try to manipulate him. Unlike you, I trusted him. I did what had to be done."

The two women were angry and the tension in the cabin was suffocating with the possibility of violence. Liara watched the woman that she'd thought was made of fire and steel melt before her eyes.

"I want to be angry with you, Liara. I want to so bad, but this is my own damn fault. I pushed him away on Horizon, avoided him on Earth, and alienated him on Mars. I tried to fix it, but you're right. I was never there when he needed me. Our situations reversed I would have done the same."

Ashley's shoulders and head fell. The biotic field around Liara disappeared and she embraced her friend.

"I wish there was something I could do to make it better. He didn't show any interest in me until last night."

Ashley pulled away from the hug, as a resentful laugh escaped her throat.

"Liara, he was always interested in you. He would be talking and notice your presence no matter how brief. He wouldn't end the conversation he was having, but he would track your movements."

Liara was startled, she shook her head, "Then why would you…"

A sad smile crossed Ashley's lips and disappeared. "If our positions were reversed would you deny yourself the chance to change his mind? Would you have just been happy to have the person you loved by your side, even if their heart wasn't yours?"

The soft synthesized voice of EDI broke the moment. "Lt. Commander Williams and Dr. T'Soni the Commander has requested you both suit up and meet him in the cargo bay to deploy to the Cerberus Station."

It was Ashley that responded, "Thanks EDI."

She wiped the tears from her eyes. She looked over at Liara, "Still friends?"

The Asari gave a genuine smile, "Always."


	6. Chapter 6

The battle through Cerberus station was easy. It wasn't a battle really more of an incursion. It all lead to this room, the room was empty except for a chair and console. The image brought back memories and his white hot rage. He remembered Horizon being used as bait, the Collector trap, and Mars. The people the man threw away. A voice from his past rose up, _"While we want to do the right thing, the colony's best interests come first." _It was the same story, just on a different scale. He would trade humans for Humanity.

He swallowed the anger and approached the console to begin searching for data; EDI moved to another section and mimicked his actions.

He heard the familiar hiss of the illusive man's hologram and responded without turning around.

"Unless you're going to tell me where you are we have nothing to discuss."

"On the contrary Shepard there is still time for you to join my cause. We must harness this power. Together we can make humanity the dominant species."

His laugh was genuine.

"The one thing I've learned through all this is that no species deserves to dominate another. Humanity made husks of innocent refugees, the Salarian's societal engineering nearly destroyed the Krogan, and the others are just better at concealing their crimes."

"Sacrifices are required for greatness."

"EDI shut that thing down."

"No need, just don't outstay your welcome."

Shepard activated the data and learned the Catalyst was the Citadel.

"Did you already inform the illusive man?'

"Indoctrinated forces have already acquired this information. They have notified Reaper forces and the Citadel has been moved to the Sol System."

The commander turned to leave, briefly stopping to address the squad.

"EDI inform Hackett."

Before the AI could respond, he heard someone drop into the room. He turned to find Kai Lang.

"Are you here to throw more troops at me and run? Or are you actually going to fight this time?"

"I have some friends to keep your squad busy, while we settle up."

A Cerberus squad descended from the ceiling focusing their fire on the three members of his squad. The commander's voice had a hard edge.

"Concentrate on Cerberus forces, except Lang."

Lang wasted no time running straight at his adversary. He lashed out with his sword which was stopped by a raised arm. Lang attempted a left cross, the Commander lifted his right arm blocking the attempt. He snaked his hand around to grab the other man's forearm. He followed up with a kick to Lang's midsection, simultaneously releasing the forearm.

His opponent fell backwards, and contorted his body into a backwards roll. He stood up and came in with both hands on the sword the Commander side stepped the blade to the left, he watched Lang change the direction of the blade and it sunk into the crease at his elbow. He watched as Lang pulled the blade back towards himself. His blood coating the metal, he ignored the pain.

"You're slow, Shepard."

The assassin pushed the attack. Slashing with his sword as the Commander backed away. He followed up with a flip kick. Focusing his attack towards the commander's injured right arm.

"I wasn't trained as a shadow, too much running for cover."

The reaction to the taunt was swift. The blade was jabbed into the right thigh joint of his armor. He felt the quick stab of pain before the suit's medigel dispenser kicked in. He grabbed Lang's hand with his left, and broke the blade off with his right fist.

"Nothing the Cerberus upgrades won't fix. You should have gone for my neck."

The hilt of the sword was tossed aside.

"I can finish you with my bare hands."

The assassin ran straight for the commander and tackled him to the ground.

"Cerberus gave you everything and you threw it away. You were a waste of resources."

"I guess your boss doesn't have a high opinion of you. He wanted a professional for the Collectors."

He felt Lang's knee grind into his wounded hip. He knew pain intimately for most of his life and refused to react to it.

What little self control Lang had seemed to snap and he began punching the Commander in the face.

"He would have given you anything you wanted. We would have given you the tools to remove the Batarians from the galaxy. You threw away the chance to avenge Mindoir in the name of humanity."

The anger twisted its way from the pit of his stomach. He felt a burning hum as it fueled the machine he'd become. He understood anger and he knew how to harness the power it provided. He let it wash over his senses and the instincts born of survival surfaced. He pivoted on his injured hip. He placed his hands on Lang's face and shifted their positions; simultaneously he activated the shock function in his gloves. He felt the assassin's muscles spasm as the shock pulsed through his body.

"All the resources and money they spent to know what I wanted. The picture of Ash on my desk, the former Normandy crew members, and even the ship itself all part of the self delusion that they knew me. I've only wanted one thing since I was sixteen. I want my sister back. Would they have dug up her withered corpse and resurrected her like they did me?"

He stopped the surges of electricity and punched the debilitated man.

"I never gave a damn about the fucking Batarians. They didn't kill anyone that mattered. There was only one soul on that god forsaken colony that mattered. The Batarians didn't kill her, I did."

He didn't know how many times he'd hit Kai Lang, but he knew it was enough to cause his shoulder to ache. His hair had fallen into his face, but he could see his blood, sweat, and spittle fall onto the other mans wrecked face.

"I killed her. I dream of her every night. What did Cerberus give me? A second chance at life that should have been hers, Cerberus doesn't give anything. Everything they offer has a price. In exchange for my life they took my scars."

He slammed the man's head on the metal floor.

"Those scars were the only proof I had that she was real. Cerberus took the only reminder I had of her."

He didn't remember pulling the pistol from his weapons rack, but it was in his hand stuck against his adversary's head. A memory clawed at him, green eyes staring at him with a gun to her head. He pushed away the memory.

"Do you even know what it's like to have people sacrifice for you, when you're not even worth it? I was never worth it."

He shoved the pistol into Lang's mouth.

"I failed her. I will not fail this galaxy. I won't let you, the illusive man, or the reapers make me fail. I will not feel that again.

He pulled the trigger. A feeling of exhaustion washed over his body.

The Commander staggered to a sanding position staring down at the remains of Kai Lang.

"EDI contact Hackett, and download the Prothean VI. We can use it on earth to identify victims of indoctrination."

He was breathing hard, his mouth gaping open to compensate for the broken nose. A mixture of spittle and blood barely clung to his chin. He emptied the thermal clip into Kai Lang's corpse and headed back to the shuttle.


	7. Chapter 7

Liara had been a scientist even as a child. As she evolved into other roles the scientist remained. As a solider she analyzed the battlefield, as an information broker she deciphered the patterns in data, and as a lover she observed John Shepard. Her scientific acumen allowed her to see things others had missed. The brief moment when his eyes changed from demonic red to their natural grey wasn't missed. She noticed it was the exact moment he learned the extent of his injuries after being spaced. She filed away the information as they continued through the station.

It wasn't until Ashley had been watching the vid on EDI's construction that she noticed there was something wrong. The way he paced as if he were a caged animal. His tense body language was unusual for him in combat. It was where he seemed most comfortable. His behavior betrayed a deep emotional conflict. As much as she wanted him to accept that he wasn't a monster, they couldn't afford for him to falter now. It was selfish to try to get him to see that there was a life worth living.

Her observations were confirmed when she'd commented on the possibility that becoming the Shadow Broker was making her into the illusive man. He physically grabbed her by the collar, and pulled her towards him. The words sent a shiver down her spine.

"You are nothing like us. You're actually concerned about something people like us don't even consider. We just act; we don't worry about what we are becoming. We accept it. You will never be like us."

He wasn't speaking to her. He was trying to push back the seeds of hope she'd planted within his mind. He was embracing the monster he thought lived within him. She had pushed him further into the abyss and wondered if her selfishness might doom the galaxy.

When he gave the order for them to focus on the Cerberus troops while he took on Kai Leng one on one she was concerned. She put her concern aside and followed his orders. She was surprised at how easy it was to dispatch the Cerberus forces.

When the last of the Cerberus troops went down she turned back to her commander. She saw him straddling the assassin the confession he had made the night before escaping his lips. The very foundation of the man she loved had shifted, this wasn't her doing. She replayed the meld in her mind. The error of her calculation dawned on her. The night before was not the event that caused the conflict, it was another effect. She berated herself for the blunder. It was the destruction of the Alpha relay. The sacrifice of so many lives for the galaxy, he'd begun to equate himself to the citizens of Mindoir.

He looked up and she saw what she could only describe as, a smaller version of the human reaper. Blazing red eyes peered out from behind his dark black locks of hair, his nose was misshapen, and the area from his nose to his chin covered in blood and sweat. Liara heard a gasp and realized it had escaped both Ashley and herself. As he turned and walked away she found herself running towards him calling out.

"Shepard."

He stopped tilting his head slightly to indicate he was listening.

"You are injured; we should have Cortez bring the shuttle here."

His voice was raspy and tired, "I don't see a shuttle bay. Do you have an idea on how to remedy that?"

"I believe I do. Everyone will need to engage their mag boots and helmets."

The commander turned around and nodded to indicate they would follow the suggestion, once his own helmet was secure he looked at the Asari and nodded. She applied her breathing mask and spoke as she secured it in place.

"Ashley?"

The marine's response was quick and spirited as always.

"Ready"

Liara focused all her energy drawing her biotic power from her core and closed her fists. The glass in front of her began to show obvious cracks. She could feel the dark energy slither around her. It illuminated the room briefly, before she released it in a biotic pulse that shattered the thick glass leading to the emptiness of space.

"Cortez, bring the shuttle to our position, Liara just opened the window for you."

There was a brief pause before she heard the standard response, "Aye, aye. A team of engineers and N7 operatives have landed to secure the station and strip it of anything of value in the fight, Commander."

The silence that fell upon the room threatened to overwhelm her. The tension was obviously created by the admission. Anyone listening to the comm. traffic would have heard it. The majority of the Normandy crew listened in on away missions. She didn't relish their return to the vessel.

The ride in the shuttle was equally quiet with the Commander standing staring at the door waiting for it to open. It couldn't have been more than five minutes, but it felt like an eternity. Once the shuttle landed he stumbled out the door. Liara was there to help him regain his balance. She placed an arm around his waist and helped support him as he approached the elevator.

The door opened and Garrus appeared the anger apparent in his flaring mandibles. He grabbed the commander's armor and pulled him forward.

"What the hell were you thinking? We are so close to the end of this, we can't afford to lose you to some spirits damned macho varren shit. You could have died."

The Commander pushed the Turian back violently.

"He killed my friend, nearly killed Liara, and me on Thessia. Did you think I could let that go, do you think I would have done anything less if it were you he killed?"

"It doesn't matter. We discussed the cruel calculus of this war. You understand what's at stake. You put all that in jeopardy for some petty revenge. We need you if we are going to win this war."

Shepard grabbed the Turian's armor and pulled him close. His voice was a mere whisper.

"Let's not play games, Garrus. You're not angry I took on Kai Leng. You're angry I never told you about my sister."

The Turian looked down in shame. Liara could barely hear the words that escaped him.

"I thought we were friends. I thought you trusted me."

Liara watched as red eyes again turned grey.

"Garrus you're my brother. How do you tell the people that put their lives in your hands day in and day out that you're a failure. How do you explain that you couldn't protect your little sister, that you couldn't save one life and that in an effort to spare her the indignity of slavery you put a bullet in her head? How do you tell them and still have them trust you with their lives?"

The Turian pulled his friend into a hug.

"You just tell them, and have enough faith in them to know it won't change anything. They will have your back."

The commander returned the hug.

"Thank you, Garrus. It means a lot."

The two friends stood back and stared at each other. The Turian cleared his throat.

"Liara you should get him up to see the Doctor."

She merely nodded and proceeded to help him onto the elevator as they turned around, as she pushed the button to close the doors she could see Garrus and the others in the shuttle bay salute the commander. The doors closed and they were alone in the quiet.

"How can all of you still accept me knowing what I've done?"

She pressed her body against his trying to convey her support.

"I already told you. It is not what you have done, but why you have done it. I would have killed my mother to save her from indoctrination. I did not have to because you were there to do it. Would you have thought less of me had I done so?"

He made a non committal sound, but she knew he would contemplate her words. The doors to the crew deck opened and she helped him into the med bay. Doctor Chakwas swiftly moved to his left side to assist him to the bio bed.

"Well Commander, I see you have once again decided to put my skills to the test. EDI was kind enough to forward your injuries to me. I will have you back up and ready for duty before we reach the rendezvous point."

"I did it for the wonderful dreamless sleep surgery offers, Karin."

A sad smile graced her face. She'd obviously been listening in on the comm. chatter.

"I am grateful for the opportunity to be the one that offers you solace in the dark times we live in."

His boyish smile was brief, "You are my nightingale."

The doctor's skin flushed to a dark red. She straightened and spoke to Liara.

"I will let you know once he has regained consciousness."

Liara nodded and looked over at the Commander. He was lying on the bed with his eyes closed. She turned and left.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: **The Poem in this chapter is Emily Dickinson's Look back on time with kindly eyes. I also went back and tried to clean up some of the the mistakes in previous chapters.

* * *

He awoke to find a pair of familiar blue eyes staring down at him lovingly. He could feel her running her hand through his hair. Only one thought crossed his mind in that moment. _Heaven, this would be my heaven. _But reality was cruel. It pulled him back from the thought. Heaven wasn't on his agenda. He had too many sins; too many lives had been taken. Any hope at redemption had been lost with the Batarians.

He closed his eyes.

The guilt warred with the anger within him. It was an old battle, but it was still fought within. He didn't have time for guilt, the anger at himself for failing had pushed him this far. He let the anger wash over him. He thought of Thane, Mordin, and Legion. He thought of what the Reapers had cost him. He turned the anger outward and felt the familiar click as the world returned to its axis.

He opened his eyes. The hand in his hair retreated and the face before him was forlorn. He sat up.

"Did you need something, Liara."

She stepped back and turned her back to him. He'd studied her body language for years and knew she was composing herself.

"No, I just wanted to make sure you were fully recovered before beginning my preparations for battle."

She squared her shoulders.

"Yeah, I need to speak with Chakwas and then I'm off to prepare myself."

She turned and approached him. A look of determination fell upon her features. He remembered that look from long ago, the day her mother died.

"Shepard, before we end this once and for all I need a name."

Confusion furrowed his brow.

"Whose name do you need?"

"If I am not enough for you to live, at least give me a name for daughter. I want her to have something of you to remember."

His closed his eyes and saw himself in Donnovan Hock's vault. A statue stood before him and he thought of Jane. He remembered the story of this particular Greek Goddess and thought it fitting. He opened his eyes and looked into a pair of eyes that remind him of the early morning, a deep dark blue the sun chases across the morning sky.

"Athena."

"You want to name her after my father?"

He smiled gently.

"No. Athena is an Ancient Greek Goddess from Earth's mythology. She was the Goddess of just wars, wisdom, and the protector of Heroes. A great warrior went off to battle; once the battle was won he headed home. A journey that should have taken months, turned into years. The Goddess guided him home and helped him to regain all that he'd lost. I want our daughter to represent everything you've done for me. You are the only reason I made it this far. Thank you."

A smile graced her gentle features as the tears fell from her eyes.

"When you get to the end of your journey do me a favor."

"I can't promise anything."

"I know. If you realize at any moment that you are who I think you are, return to me."

"Liara."

"I know, I am not asking for a promise. I just ask that should you see the man I see bring him back to the one that loves him. There is darkness in every heart, my love. You of all people should know darkness cannot exist without light."

She left him alone in the med bay. He stared at the door. He felt a familiar hum within him. He saw himself as a machine powering up. It was coming back online. He couldn't afford to hold back any longer. They were heading towards Earth.

The door opened with the usual hiss as Dr. Chakwas entered.

"I see you're up and around Commander."

"I need a full check on all Cerberus implants. Also send me a report on all implants that used reaper tech."

The doctor started her omni tool and was completing the checks before he'd finished the sentence. After only a few moments she tapped her omni tool.

"Fully operational and the report has been sent. Is there anything else I can do for you Commander?"

He placed a hand on her shoulder.

"It has been an honor knowing you, Karin. Thank you for everything."

"I will be here when the battle is over to put you back together again. I am not letting the Reapers win that battle. Thank me after all this is over."

He forced a smile and nodded.

He left the med bay and started towards the elevator. He was surprised to find Ashley waiting outside the elevator.

"Skipper."

"Ash."

"I just wanted to…"

He held up a hand for her to stop. She pushed his hand down and looked at him with all the warmth and kindness in her soul. She placed a hand on his chest over his heart.

"I love you and always will as a friend. I also knew when we started where your heart lay. I was willing to take what was offered, with the hope it might become…"

She shrugged and noticeably relaxed.

"Look back on time with kindly eyes, He doubtless did his best; How softly sinks his trembling sun; In human nature's west!"

He found himself stuck on the single phrase, _He doubtless did his best. _Had he done his best? Did he do everything he could to save Jane, Mordin, Thane, and the Batarians? Would he fail them all to have that as his final obituary?

"Emily Dickinson's words seemed more fitting than my own."

He nodded.

"Thank you, Ash."

The soldier waved a hand and headed back to the observation deck.

He got onto the elevator and headed for his cabin. Ashley's poem clung to his thoughts. He understood what she'd meant, but it was the implications on his own life that bothered him. The image of pleading green eyes once again entered his mind. A gun against raven black hair, he shook his head as the door to his cabin opened.

He sat at his desk and started the holo vid.

"I Commander John Jamison Shepard, being of sound mind and body bequeath all my financial holdings to Dr. Liara T'Soni. All weapons belonging to me are to be divided among Ashley Williams, Garrus Vakarian, and James Vega. My remaining property is to be divided among my remaining friends. Jeff Moreau, Karin Chakwas, Ashley Williams, Urdnot Wrex, Tali Zorah Vas Normandy, Urdnot Grunt, Jacqueline Naught, Jacob Taylor, and Kasumi Goto. The exception being my N7 Armor to be given to James Vega upon his completion of the N7 program. My final request is for my body to be cremated and spread among the wreckage of the Normandy SR-1 on Alchera and that no monument to Commander John Jamison Shepard is ever erected on the planet Mindoir."

He closed the holo vid and removed his shirt while walking to the bathroom. He pulled a knife from a holster on his belt. He stood before the mirror and carved three names into his chest directly over his heart. The three people he would honor this day.

Jane.

Liara.

Athena.

He put his shirt on just as he heard Joker of the intercom.

"Commander Admiral Hackett has requested permission to come aboard."

"Granted, I'm on my way down now."

He looked around the cabin one last time. He completed an about face and walked toward his destiny.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: **Thank you to each one of you that have left reviews and comments. I would also like to thank everyone that has been following the story. We are approaching the end of this particular story. I will freely admit that I don't know what the ending will hold. It is only a rough idea in my mind. I will say it's evolved several times over the course of the last week. So I will be taking the journey with each of you as it evolves further.

I want to also point out that I am a huge fan of the way Dragon Age incorporates the entire party in the finale in some way. I have incorporated that thought process into this story. I will also warn you that anything I felt was unrealistic in the ending may be changed or omitted.

* * *

She had never been to Earth. The planet that had spawned all of humanity whispered its past greatness to her. They moved through rooms that had once been apartments. It was an eerie reminder of past dig sites, instead of Protheans humans like Shepard inhabited these rooms. No, there was no one like him.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the object of her musings.

"EDI, bypass the door. Vega and Williams secure the perimeter. Everyone else take a quick breather. I don't know when we'll get another."

Liara found herself following her natural instincts to explore the space. It appeared to be a common room. She found herself looking at the family photos on the wall. A table set for an evening meal sat undisturbed. The archeologist within her began wondering what had happened to the inhabitants of this home.

A flash of white caught her eye. She wandered over to the object tucked under the table. She pulled it out and realized it was a humanoid stuffed object.

"What is this?"

The commander wandered over and looked at the object.

"It's a teddy bear."

She cocked her head and burrowed her brow in confusion.

"A teddy bear? What is its purpose?"

The amusement in his voice lifted her spirits slightly.

"It doesn't really have a purpose; it's a stuffed toy for children. Most human children sleep with them. Think of it as a talisman to keep nightmares away."

She shook her head and a frown found its way to her lips. A child lived here. Their world of peace has broken in such a way that innocence can no longer exist.

"It seems to have failed its owner."

He lifted her chin. The sudden contact made her lightheaded.

"Hey, the child may still be alive out there and we will make the nightmare go away. I promise."

She smiled and nodded.

EDI broke the rare moment of tenderness.

"I have bypassed the lock Commander."

"Okay everyone back into formation."

They moved through the door cautiously and found themselves on the main street. They battled their way forward once more. Each shot of her pistol brought forth the thought of a child missing their toy. She would do this not only for her own child within her, but for the child whose bear had failed to keep away the monsters.

She stood in the street staring at the massive reaper before them. The memories of Tuchanka passed through her mind. She remembered watching him dodge both brutes and the Reaper itself. How many of these beasts would they have to take down, how long before their luck ran out?

She shook her head.

I cannot think that way. I must remember what we have accomplished so far and believe we can succeed. She turned her attention to the Commander and EDI working the controls on the thannix cannon. The silence made her uneasy.

"Commander we were unable to hold back reaper forces, your flank has collapsed you have incoming."

Her unease turned to dread.

"Understood, Okay people you heard the woman. This is a dead end so I want everyone back in defensive positions. James and EDI you're with me at a forward position. , Ash and Garrus snipe the shit out of the bastards as they come into range. I need everyone else laying down cover fire under stood?"

Liara's voice joined the chorus.

"Aye Aye."

The onslaught was merciless; they took down wave after wave of marauders, cannibals, banshees, and brutes. Liara had barely used her biotics worried of what would follow the waves of endless enemies, but she marveled at the Javik's seemingly endless biotic energy.

When EDI announced that the synchronization of the weapons system was complete a familiar form darted through the crowd of enemies to activate the cannons. He moved with the grace of a dancer as he would pivot, dodge, and dive through the crowd of distorted bodies. She watched as one by one the reaper forces were downed by sniper fire, cover fire from the squad, and some by her own pistol.

She witnessed with relief as the weapons activated and the Reaper guarding the beam went down. She noticed a sight flicker in her peripheral vision. She turned for a better look and watched in horror as a brute charged the Commander. He'd barely turned when he was hit by the full force of its charge. His body collided with the vehicle.

Liara had always been a powerful biotic, but had failed to achieve her full power. It wasn't from a lack of trying. It was in that moment she found her full power. Wreathed in the white glow of energy she was a singular flame in the darkness. She enveloped the brute with a warp field strong enough for it to visibly begin to break apart just as quickly she released a surge of energy causing a biotic detonation. Liara vaguely felt the rush of energy rush past her. The corrupted flesh and black blood surged in all directions.

The panic within her settled as she scanned the field for enemies, finding none she quickly rushed to his side.

"Are you alright?"

She carefully removed his helmet and searched for head wounds.

"What the fuck was that doc? I've never seen anything like it." Vega's voice was filled with amazement.

She didn't look away from her examination while she answered.

"I have never done anything like it; my pregnancy most likely increased my biotic powers."

She was unaware of the looks as she was solely focused on the object of her affection.

"I'm fine. Thanks for the assist."

The commander got to his feet and Liara followed suit. A voice cut through on the comm. units.

"Good Job Commander, transport in route rendezvous in 5 minutes."

He took his helmet from Liara as he responded.

"Understood, everyone keep your eyes open."

"Congrats Doc whose the father?"

"That would be me, Vega."

Liara watched silently as he turned to the squad and spoke with an emotion she couldn't place.

"Now that you all know I have on last request. After…I died you all abandoned one another, I need to know that you will not let that happen again. I need to know that even without me, you will all be there for one another…and for my daughter.'

"Skipper, nothing's going to happen to you. We're going to activate the crucible and you will be there for her yourself."

He looked away and she felt the tightness in her chest. She felt the time slipping away. He was already dead in his own mind.

"Ash…I don't intend to come out of this alive. I have to be willing to sacrifice the same thing I ask of everyone else. I will give my life for this cause, and feel I am destined to die on this battlefield."

Silence fell over the group of soldiers as the reality of his words sunk in. Garrus' mandibles flared.

"What if we don't allow it? I for one will fight until my last breath to save you." Each of Garrus' words soaked in conviction.

"As will I." Tali's accented voice filled the silence.

She watched him look upon his squad as each head nodded in agreement. His eyes blazed a deep rich crimson.

Before he could speak the transport arrived.

"Let's move we have a job to do."

They boarded the transport and headed towards the beam and the end of the war one way or another.


	10. Chapter 10

He stood in the Mako forcing thoughts of Liara and their unborn child from his mind. He needed the soldier, the monster, and the machine. He didn't understand how she could make everything disappear. He was human with her. He needed to get angry. He thought of his father. The years of abuse and neglect pushed to the forefront. The images of his father's violence and cruelty sharpened the edge of his rage. He remembered the corruption of Saren and Benezia. They corrupted the only parent Liara had ever known. She was fundamentally changed from a caring albeit somewhat absent mother to something akin to his father. A woman Athena would never know. He held on to the outrage and claimed it as his own. He felt a nervous apprehension that wasn't his own. He looked up to realize they were all staring at him.

"What?"

Everyone looked at one another hoping not to be the one to speak. They all finally settled their eyes on the Asari.

"You were growling."

He simply nodded.

She looked away. A part of him wanted to comfort her, but he couldn't allow it. He needed to keep it at bay in order to succeed.

The Mako came to a stop and they began to disembark. He heard Anderson in his ear.

"We are in position on the South side of the beam and will make a run for it from here. Are you in position Shepard?"

"Affirmative, we are in position at the North side setting up for the run now."

"Double time, there are Reapers inbound."

"Understood."

He spoke into the comm. projecting the calm, collected, and resolute commander he'd become into his voice.

"All Northern Units, this is Commander Shepard. I want Bravo and Delta setting up covering fire in the buildings overlooking the beam. I will be making the run, if I go down or enter into the beam Lt. Commander Williams will give further orders. We are to hold this position no matter what. I don't give a damn if Hackett himself orders a retreat; you are not to leave your post."

He turned to the squad.

"Vega and Javik you're with me. The rest of you find a secure vantage point in the building overlooking no man's land. We need you to cover the beam. I don't want any Reaper forces flanking us once we're up there. If we don't make it Garrus, EDI, and Tali you're up next to make a run for it. Do not engage any reapers, call for an airstrike to try to draw it away from the beam."

He pulled Liara aside and spoke quickly and quietly.

"If you want to leave, I'll understand."

The Asari shook her head.

"I have an added incentive to hold this position."

His words reflected back at him stung coming from her. What had he made her into? His head fell.

"I will not send others to fight and die for my child. We will be fine. Just remember my favor."

He looked up just as she pulled him towards her and kissed him passionately. As quickly as it began it was over.

"Remember my favor."

He shook his head and ran towards the beam. He'd only made it a few steps before the Reaper landed. He heard the voice within his head_. Shepard. I know you are here. The cycle cannot be broken_. He answered back not knowing if the Reaper could hear the thought. _Fuck you_.

His stride never broke, ignoring the carnage as the red beam destroyed vehicles and lives in the blink of an eye. He pushed on driven forward by his fear of failure. He vaguely heard Vega scream after he'd barely dodged a Mako flipping through the air. "Commander, I'm down. I'm pinned under a Mako." He continued running ignoring it all. The Prothean accelerated passing him as they ran. He was at least six yards back when he saw a large piece of shrapnel from a destroyed Mako crash into the Prothean throwing him sideways. He noticed Javik wasn't moving, but didn't stop to assist him. He had to reach the beam, he couldn't afford to fail.

_Almost there, just a little further_. His thoughts were broken by another explosion, this one throwing him from his feet. He started to get up when he looked up and stared into the crimson eye. The eye was a window into death, a beacon of his failure. He stared into his own past and fell under the landslide of the memory he'd long forgotten. _A fair skinned beauty with obsidian hair and awe inspiring vibrant green eyes. His mother's love was unquestioned as she lifted him into the air, tucked him in at night, and showered him with affection. Until his father returned, his military service leaving a broken soldier and corrupted human being. He heard the click of the empty thermal clip as the muzzle of the gun caressed his mother's temple. He heard the cries within his own mind as she fell slack the sparkling emeralds of light and love left her eyes becoming dull and empty, as she slide slowly down the wall. She was merely a shell of what she'd been._

He'd failed her, another innocent he hadn't been able to protect. It wasn't bad enough he'd failed, but he'd forgotten the innocent she'd been. Only remembering the husk his father had created.

He watched calmly as he was swallowed by the red light. He distantly felt the pain of his searing flesh; he was drifting into the darkness. It was a familiar feeling. What he deserved for allowing so many innocent lives to slip through his fingers. How many innocents had he failed and forgotten, like his mother? He was granted his punishment, death. Sweet unmerciful death, he felt the darkness within creeping away leaving only a single light. A white light of innocence embraced him.

"Athena."

There was one innocent left to save. He had to try to save one more soul.

He opened his eyes and was assailed by the sight of the reaper moving toward the derelict buildings.

"Athena."

He felt a burning sensation throughout his body; forcing it back he rolled onto his hands and knees. He picked up a pistol lying abandoned next to him. He felt hands upon him. He turned to find the Prothean helping him to his feet. He turned towards the reaper as it lumbered on towards the only light left in his life.

"Harbinger."

The Reaper moved forward either not hearing or not acknowledging his call. The Prothean dragged him back towards the beam, he could feel its energy they were so close. He pushed the Javik into the beam and turned back to the reaper.

What did Chakwas' report say? Skeletal structure made up entirely of reaper tech, nanotechnology acts as shield to prevent indoctrination. It must be a translation effect. The reapers speak through the reaper tech and the nanites communicate the signal to my mind. It should work in reverse. I can do this; he focused his gaze on the Reaper. He pushed a single thought towards the colossus before him. _You were once the Apex predator, but now you are merely my prey._

The behemoth stopped in its tracks and turned. He saw the crimson eye brighten as it primed its primary weapons.

He stepped back into the beam and heard a single quiet voice.

"We shall see."

* * *

**A/N:** I apologize for the long wait for an update. I have had this chapter written for well over a week, but it wasn't good enough. I had to deal with some issues with "From End to Beginning" before I could focus on this story. Not to mention the next one has already started to form. Again thank you to those that have chose to follow my stories, leave reviews, PM, and even those that just browse through them.


	11. Chapter 11

Javik landed hard on the deck. He was relieved he'd worn gloves upon realizing the floor was soaked with blood. The last thing he need was to relive the memories of the dead surrounding him. He stood and looked around. The floor behind him glowed, obviously the entrance to the beam he'd arrived through. It was an efficient method of transportation he had to admit. He looked at the piles of bodies and then noticed the keeper staring at him. He approached the creature while removing one of his gloves. He touched the entity and its memories became his own.

_A serene voice could be heard. "They must evolve according to our assigned path, Kill Zakitha." He watched the creature move thorough the Citadel tunnels. It entered a luxuriously decorated room. It moved toward a strange creature on the balcony. A hairy beast with a spine of horns stood before it. It was staring over the presidium as a King surveying his domain. The keeper moved forward quickly, it pushed the beast over the railing. The creature's screams could be heard as the keeper moved back towards the tunnel. The voice spoke once more, "Make the necessary adjustments, access to his labs must be removed."_

Javik pulled away from the memory when he'd heard the beam activate once more. He turned and watched the human tossed a yard or so from the entrance. The Commander didn't move only the sound of his groans indicated he was still alive. Javik moved and helped the man to his feet. He'd forgotten to replace his glove and found himself lost within the Commander's mind.

_You are one of us. Do not fight what you have become. You are perfection. Reaper and organic joined as one, the evolution of the cycles. Accept what you have become. The image of the Asari standing on the battlefield her hand on her stomach flashed though his mind for an instant. I accept what I am, but I will not condemn organic life to this existence. I am the perfect weapon to destroy what I have become. _

The Prothean pushed the human away from him. The commander hit the opposite wall with force. His red gaze fell upon Javik. He smelled the scent of burned flesh and metal.

"I will destroy them." The malice in his voice was unmistakable.

"You are a reaper? How can you fight them when you are one of them?"

Javik lifted his pistol and pointed it towards the Commander. The human pushed away from the wall and stared him down.

"I am human flesh rebuilt over a Reaper's corpse. I have fought their influence since the day I woke up from death itself. I still have a human heart and mind. I still fight with everything I am to destroy them. I know what they are more intimately than even you."

"How can I trust you?"

The commander walked over and placed the pistol in the center of his forehead.

"I am willing to let you kill me now. Do you really believe anyone else can end this devastation?"

Javik lowered his weapon. He shook his head.

"We should move we don't have very much time."

Shepard nodded and the two moved down a darkened corridor. The walls shifted and moved as they walked by piles of bodies. Javik noticed there were bodies of every space faring species in the galaxy. The floor was sticky with the remnants of bodily fluids; the smell was something one could never become accustomed to, or forget. How many battlefields had he walked through? The bodies had been Prothean 50,000 years ago. He remembered the anger as he cut the throat of Krillis, he was a fine soldier. He didn't deserve to die by his former commander's hand, a tool of the enemy.

They entered a circular room with a pedestal in the middle. The human moved over to activate the pedestal, while Javik secured the area. He became aware of a single body in the room_. That's odd._ He moved over to the body and looked down. A human male, he knelt beside the body. It was the Admiral he'd met earlier. The man was alive, but barely. There was a bullet wound in his abdomen.

"We are not alone."

Javik stood up and scanned the room again. The entrance they had used was gone. He noted the walls of the room were rotating. He couldn't predict when or where the assassin would appear.

"The arms are opening. I need you to take Anderson back to the beam. He needs medical attention."

"That is unwise, there is an assassin here and you are in no condition to fight."

"The illusive man shot him. He is a reaper tool now. He is no threat to me, but he will kill you."

Javik stared at the human. His four eyes narrowed.

"What are you talking about?"

"I am what they want. They won't stop you from leaving."

Javik raised his pistol again aimed at the man before him.

"You are going to betray us."

The commander leaned against the pedestal. His pain and weariness were evident in the way he clung to hold himself upright."

"Do you want to test my resolve? All you need to do is touch me and you will know."

The Prothean shook his head. He went to pull the trigger, but found he couldn't. He felt a sudden pain within his head. _What is wrong with me?_

A voice from behind him made him shudder.

"I really wish you would have listed to the Commander. I have no desire to complete the extermination of your species. We do what we must."

"Javik, get Anderson out of here. I'll handle it from here."

He tried to pull the trigger again and he felt the pain searing through every fiber of his being. He dropped to his knees; releasing his pistol he placed both hands over his head. As suddenly as it started the pain was gone.

The Prothean crawled over to the unconscious human. He took an arm, placed it over his shoulder, and stood up. Once he was in a standing position he lifted the man into a fireman's carry. He looked over at the commander. Who was pointing back the way they came. It wasn't until that moment he'd realized the walls had stopped moving.

"What is going on Commander?"

"You will know soon enough Javik. Save the only man that has been a father to me. When he comes around, tell him..."

The commander looked down.

"Thank you, for bringing me back from the brink of self destruction. I found peace in the embrace of a Goddess and he must be a father again in my absence."

Javik nodded and returned towards the beam. His thoughts moved over all he'd seen and heard. The keepers are yet another tool. How many threats to Reaper plans had they eliminated? He thought of the Commander's words. The Goddess was obviously the Asari. He had no plans to betray them, but it was obvious there was a connection between him and the Reapers. He'd watched the human fight them with a ferocity that rivaled his own_. He deserves trust. I will place my faith in him one more time. I have little choice. _

He re-entered the beam and felt his body tingle as the dark energy pulsed around him and the limp form he carried. He hated the feeling of weightless. The sensation kept his mind off his concern for the man he'd come to think of as a comrade. A few moments later he felt himself tossed from the beam. He slowly got to his feet and looked up to find the Reaper that had nearly killed him standing over him silently watching. He shuddered at the implications. _They'd wanted the Commander. _Fear crept into his soul as he gathered the body of the fallen soldier and started his trek back to the buildings he knew would contain a medic.

His comm. unit crackled to life.

"Javik, where's the Commander?"

"He is still aboard the Citadel. He sent me back with Admiral Anderson to get him medical attention. The Commander says we will know what is going on shortly."

As if on his cue there was a hiss and a brief buzz from his comm. unit. He heard two voices speaking.

"Commander Shepard, I am the catalyst."

"I'm here to stop the cycle."

"Yes, we will get to that. You are the first to make it this far. I will let you decide the fate of this galaxy you have fought so hard to protect from our solution."

_Do not falter Commander they deserve only destruction._

* * *

**A/N**: Sorry for the delay. I have been struggling with how to proceed with the story. It wasn't until I considered using Javik's POV that it came together. I would like to thank anyone that has left a review, PM, listed this story as a favorite, and those that just follow along. I read all reviews and take all suggestions under consideration.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N:** Sorry for the delay, had some work to do on another story, and well what I had planned didn't work out. So had to re-write this three times. Hope you enjoy. If there are any inconsistencies, I apologize for that too. My beta reader is getting burned out on Mass Effect.

* * *

He watched Javik leave in silence. He noted the platform slowly descending from a walkway above him. He released the podium and dropped to the floor. The glove and gauntlet of his left hand were missing. He tugged at the remaining glove. It wouldn't give. He pulled harder only to feel his skin pull away from his flesh, then stopped. _Guess that would explain why the medi-gel isn't being dispensed, welded shut. _He stopped and looked over at the caricature of the illusive man.

"Matriarch Benezia was able to fight her indoctrination, but then again she was smart enough not to implant reaper tech in her brain."

The figure merely stared at him.

"I guess humanity isn't superior after all."

The platform landed. The commander crawled onto the platform after a moment it began to ascend towards the tower. He rolled onto his back and turned his attention to the battle above. The war raged on. The silence of the citadel was a stark contrast to the scene above him. He watched helplessly as a Batarian dreadnought exploded in a blaze of blue light. It was obviously a core rupture. He could only clench his fists at the loss of life. The species had been hated by much of humanity, but despite their penchant for slavery he felt for them. They were the only reason he was able to escape Mindoir. The platform came to a stop and he shook the thoughts from his head. He closed his eyes. _I just need a moment. I just need to rest for a moment. Just remember each moment is another life lost. _He opened his eyes and a hologram was staring down at him.

"Commander Shepard, I am the catalyst."

"I am here to stop the cycle."

"Yes, we will get to that. You are the first to make it this far. I will let you decide the fate of this galaxy you have fought so hard to protect from our solution."

The commander climbed to his feet, swaying ever so slightly.

"What do you mean solution? What are you talking about?"

"The Reapers as you call them were created in response to years of war between synthetic and organic life. They were built by organic life as a weapon. A single entity controlled this weapon, I am that entity. I was once an organic being, like all creatures of flesh and bone I withered with age. In order to maintain the balance of power my being was absorbed into an artificial intelligence. I continued to enforce the peace between the two for a century. When organics began creating new synthetics capable of threatening the peace corrective action had to be taken. I could not allow them to create new synthetic beings and I did not wish to render all life nonfunctional. The cycle's purpose is to maintain life until organics were ready to ascend to perfection."

"Ascend to perfection?"

"I have intervened in the creation of all species of the galaxy, cultivating organic life to a point where it could accept synergy. The perfect life form is both synthetic and organic. The crucible was created for this purpose. I allow the construction of the device and the inevitable use by the ideal of each cycle. I take the embodiment of perfection for a particular cycle and use their essence in an attempt to create synergy. All previous attempts resulted in insanity; we believe organic life couldn't accept synergy. Synthetic life replaced organic materials viewing them as inefficient. You are both synthetic enough to touch our minds, yet organic. You are the epitome of what I have been trying to accomplish. I will use you to recreate the life forms of this galaxy. You have accepted synergy; I believe you are the key to the completion of synthesis. "

"You allowed me to get this far, but you just said I was the first to make it here?"

"No, I was speaking of other cycles. You are the first to make it this far on your own. The Protheans disrupted the events of this cycle. They left beacons regarding our existence, altered the keepers, and redesigned the crucible. It was thought it could be corrected, but we could not have foreseen your existence. Your defeat of Sovereign and the collectors created chaos. You earned every victory in this cycle."

"What makes you think I'll help you with the synthesis of an organic and synthetic life form?"

"You wish to stop the cycle. It is the only way to bring it to an end."

The hologram started to walk away.

"Bullshit. I can destroy you."

The hologram stopped and turned to stare at him.

"Then you will not submit to synthesis?"

"Never."

"Very well, then we accept your induction into reaper form. We will integrate your being into a human reaper as we originally intended. You will become immortal."

The hologram turned and started walking again. The commander limped after him.

"No."

The hologram stopped and turned back to face the commander.

"You have no other options. The crucible is our construct and you require our help in determining how to activate it. Regardless of your cooperation we will destroy all life in this cycle and begin again with your current model. The next cycle will be more receptive to our solution."

"I will defeat you."

"Our data indicates there is no way for you to defeat us."

"While the crucible was designed by you this cycle is different. We are allied with the Geth."

"The allegiance is temporary. It will cease eventually. It is irrelevant to your choices"

"How do I activate synthesis?"

The hologram pointed to the beam at the end of the walkway.

"Enter the beam and it will activate."

The commander stared at the beam fluorescent green light then his eyes wandered to the left. A platform with handles, apparently electrified stood waiting.

"What's that over there?"

"Should you choose immortality, just grab hold of the handles and you will be uploaded for integration."

The commander shifted his eyes to a third walkway leading to a cylinder filled with a viscous red liquid.

"What's that?"

The hologram looked at it and shook its head.

"It is the trigger mechanism. Once you make a choice it will initiate the directives provided. It has no other purpose."

The commander limped towards the trigger mechanism.

"Do you feel anything after wiping out your own species, or even the others?"

"I am no longer organic, I do not feel. My data indicates you do not feel either, which is why you are a good candidate for synthesis."

The commander stopped and turned on the hologram, his voice filled with malice and dark promise.

"I was born into a world of madness and violence. I grew up in a colony full of people that stood by and did nothing as my father abused me, my sister, and my mother. I felt nothing when I sabotaged the equipment that allowed the slavers to take those people to hell. I may not have felt anything when I let people die because they stood by and did nothing to stop the victimization of innocents. I will admit there were many years that I felt nothing. But I felt guilt when I shot my own sister to save her from that hell. I felt rage when I killed Benezia. Rage that someone that actually loved and cherished their child could be turned into something like my father. I feel a sense of protection for the lives in this galaxy. I feel love for the first time since my sister died. I am here because I still feel something."

He turned limped towards the trigger once more.

"You don't know who I am. I've never made excuses for the lives I've taken. I have never marginalized them, or even accepted they were all necessary. I should have found another way a better way. I did it all to protect those I deemed innocent. That's the difference between you and me. I take full responsibility for each life destroyed at my hands. You stand here and justify eons of death and destruction. I am nothing like you. I thought I was a machine or a monster, but I'm not. I'm not the man I thought I was, but the man she deserves."

He lifted his pistol, and shot out the glass, the viscous fluid started to seep onto the floor. The catalyst's hologram stood behind him.

"What are you doing?"

"You think I'm stupid. You said it yourself the Protheans altered the crucible. Javik is Prothean, and there is nothing he wants more than your destruction. So there has to be an option built in by them. I know how to trigger the crucible because the Geth worked on it. The Geth share all information and Legion was hooked up to your minds. He would have known the crucible was your construct, even if the Protheans failed to include a destruct option the Geth would incorporate it. He knew two things about me. The first is that I like explosions. The second is that I have an affinity for firearms."

He fired again.

"What are you doing?" The alarm could be heard in the catalysts voice.

"I'm giving you my decision."

"Activation of the destruct option would result in the termination of all synthetic life. The crucible will initiate an energy pulse. The pulse will terminate the Geth, the AI on your ship, and you. We do not believe you would wish to self terminate. It is illogical to choose death over immortality."

"My friends will find a way to reactivate them. I'm not a machine, I don't deal in logic."

"You will die!"

"There's an old human saying. Ain't no rest for the wicked, until we close our eyes for good. I've been tired for a long time."

Shepard fired into the cylinder emptying his thermal clip. The cylinder exploded wrapping him in its blossoming heat. He felt his body burning as the force of the explosion pushed him backwards. He slid across the walkway and tried to open his eyes only to realize they were open. He was blind. He could smell his own flesh burning; the battle to remain conscious was lost. Suddenly he awoke to the feel of himself falling as the walkway collapsed beneath him. A sharp pain ripped though his body as he landed. _I'm sorry Liara._ Commander Shepard stopped fighting and gave in to the darkness.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: I hated the fact that we didn't know what the squad was doing while Shepard was on the Citadel. So I decided to fill the blank. I know it's a little sideways, but I have never been one for straight lines. Also wanted to say sorry for the delay. **

* * *

Ashley Williams and the rest of the squad were making their way through the mostly vacant building. Delta squad had set up an observation post on the fourth floor and they were almost there when they heard Vega was down. "Jack, take Grunt and see if you can make a move to get Vega. Bravo and Delta hold position. She checked her omni tool and realized there was no air support in the area to provide a distraction. Hopefully the forces running towards the beam would be enough."

* * *

"Hey Grunt."

The Krogan's piercing blue eyes focused on her.

"What?"

"Wanna charge a reaper and rescue a dumbass?"

"Hehe…What do you think?"

"Yeah, that was a stupid question. You always did like fighting big things."

The tattooed woman took off running her students and the Krogan following dutifully. As they ran down the war ravaged street Jack motioned to a dark doorway.

"All of you in there this is a high risk op. No kids allowed."

Rodriguez's fiery retort reminded Jack of herself.

"That's horseshit ma'am. We're not leaving your side."

She couldn't help the grin from forming on her full lips.

"Fine, but stay back and if that damn Reaper makes a move you get your asses out of here. Understood?"

A chorus of aye, ayes was the only response she needed.

As they reached the slope of the battle field she scanned for the brawny soldier. Once she spotted him she hit the Krogan in the chest. She pointed to the location and sprinted toward the injured soldier. The sound of explosions and the disjointed clatter of weapons fire muffled the uncontrollable giggles of her squad mate. Grunt was as close to a kindred spirit as she'd found. He'd often told her that among the Krogan she wasn't a danger to be mollified, but an example to be followed. She thought about how much she'd missed him as she slid behind the tank to assess the situation.

"Bella? Glad to see you care. I honestly didn't think I made a good impression since you haven't called."

The woman shook her head.

"Do you even realize how much you sound like a bitch? Secondly, haven't you heard I'm respectable now? It's not easy to get in these pants."

She turned back to grunt.

"I need you to pull him out while I lift the damn thing."

The Krogan nodded and moved over to the Marine. He slipped his arms under the Marine's shoulders and nodded to the biotic.

"Bella, I don't think you can…"

The Mako lifted under Jack's biotic power before James could finish his sentence. He looked at her with awe and a bit of lust. _Oh he's going to be putty in my hands_. She smiled at the realization that her biotics were a turn on. She maneuvered over to James' right side, Grunt moved to the left and they began the trek back to the group of students. They moved slowly with the added weight of the Marine. She hadn't realized that the chaotic sounds of battle had become eerily silent.

* * *

They still hadn't reached the observation post when the reports started rolling in. Major Coats was in a panic.

"Anderson made it, but hammer has been decimated. All units fall back."

Ash was about to reply when she had Delta in her ear.

"Commander Shepard was taken down by the Reaper. We need to get out of here."

Ashley remembered losing her squad on Eden Prime, Kaiden on Virmire, and the destruction of the first Normandy. She knew they were all thinking it. _Not again_. He'd always been their compass, drawing them together and providing direction. The first time they'd all drifted apart, she'd promised him they would be there for one another and she meant to keep that promise.

She turned to the squad and that's when she noticed the Asari wasn't moving. Her eyes were as black as coal.

"Liara!" She ran to her side. "What the hell are you doing?"

She hadn't noticed the tears at first, but there they were streaming like liquid diamonds.

"I cannot feel her. Something is wrong."

It wasn't until that moment she noticed the Asari was holding her stomach. _Fuck_.

"Garrus, I don't care if you have to carry her. We are getting to that observation post."

The Turian picked her up and they kept moving. She pushed forward even as she heard the panicked calls for retreat from both Bravo and Delta squads.

Ash had only one question. _What would the Commander do?_

She took a deep breath and hit her comm. unit. I am a Williams, I was born a soldier and I was molded into a leader by my commanding officer. I can do this.

"Negative, we have only one shot. I am not going to fail my commanding officer. We will send a second squad if he doesn't get up."

"No offense ma'am, but there's no way he's getting up."

She mimicked the Commander's authoritative tone.

"The Commander defeated Sovereign, flew through the Omega-4 relay, and he managed to pull this sorry galaxy off its ass to make this happen. He has a habit of doing the impossible. He will get up."

Ashley quietly prayed for another miracle, as she rounded the corner into the observation post.

* * *

"Jack."

"Yeah Grunt."

"I suggest we hurry, that Reaper is on the move."

She looked back over her shoulder and sure enough it was heading in their direction. She looked at the Marine and laughed.

"This is going to hurt."

She took a moment to enjoy the look of confusion before she enveloped him in tendrils of blue light and tossed him with ease. The push effectively deposited him in the safety zone. She ran as fast as she could, barely noticing the way the ground moved under the weight of the Reaper pursuing them. It took a moment for her to realize the Krogan had turned and started firing his shotgun at the Reaper_. I'm surrounded by idiots_. She turned around when she heard the Krogan's words.

"Turn around and fight me!"

The Reaper had turned back towards the beam. She could make out a single figure. The next instant he was gone as he stepped into the white light behind him. The Reaper returned to the beam and seemed to wait. _What the fuck?_

"Grunt, unless you've got a bigger shotgun it's time to go."

The Krogan growled in frustration, they both ran back toward the group of students.

* * *

Ashley looked out at the field through her scope. She ignored the Reaper moving towards them. Once she saw the Commander get up and head into the beam she'd call for a retreat. She didn't want to think about if he didn't get up.

"Garrus, what's Liara's status?"

"I am fine. I am not sure what happened, but I will be fine until this is over."

She scanned the field ignoring the approaching reaper. She noticed the rescue of Vega and had to stifle a giggle when she witnessed the oversized Marine being tossed like a football. She felt more than saw the Reaper pause. She moved the scope back and saw the commander standing facing the monstrosity.

"What the hell is he doing?" .

"What is happening?"

Garrus lifted his sniper and looked out over the field.

"The Commander is up, but he's just standing there."

He stepped back into the white light of the beam and disappeared. The reaper started moving back towards the beam.

Ash hit her Comm. "Anyone too cowardly to watch the Commander's six can leave. I'll be right here watching his back. I turned my back on him once, but will die before I do it again."

There was only silence. No one spoke and no one moved. She couldn't help but grin. Garrus hit her in the shoulder and she turned to him.

"You made up for it."

She smiled back.

"Thanks, Garrus. Now we just need to figure out what the Reaper is doing."

"I believe they have what they want."

Ash looked at Liara. She'd changed since that day on Therum. The Asari had been self conscious and easily intimidated. She was now confident and managed to intimidate others with a mere glance. There was a calculation to her manner. When they'd first met her thoughts often tumbled out of her mouth. The information broker didn't reveal anything without careful thought and consideration of each word. Yet, underneath it all she knew the prothean expert hadn't changed. She'd seen that on Mars. Her concern for Earth and then there was Thessia. She'd been inconsolable. She would heal from this war faster than the rest of them. She was the embodiment of hope.

"What do you mean?"

"The Collectors were merely the Reaper's servants. They were trying to obtain the Commander's body that would mean the Reapers wanted him, and now they have him."

"Great. Anyone else have bad news they want to share?"

The synthetic responded.

"I am going to be offline for an indefinite period."

Ashley sighed.

"Shit EDI. Why?"

"I am unable to elaborate at this time. I am sure you will understand after the crucible is engaged."

The synthetic unit deactivated before Ashley could say anything more.

Time seemed to have stopped while they waited. Liara's words and EDI's deactivation created mood of apprehension. They wanted to do more, but it was obvious the Reaper was protecting the beam. They all stared out anxiously waiting for something to happen.

It felt like an eternity before they heard Hackett's report that the arms were opening and that they were docking the crucible. It wasn't long before they saw movement at the beam. Ash picked up her sniper rifle and checked the scope. Javik was returning and he was carrying a soldier in fatigues. She adjusted the scope and realized it was Anderson.

She hit her comm.

"Javik, where's the Commander?"

"He is still aboard the Citadel. He sent me back with Admiral Anderson to get him medical attention. The Commander says we will know what is going on shortly."

She was speaking, but realized the message wasn't going out as she heard the Commander having a conversation with a synthetic voice. She looked around and realized everyone was receiving the same message.

_The bad news just keeps coming. Greeeaatt!_

* * *

Karin Chakwas ran through the Normandy. EDI had gone offline before the strange conversation had started. She came to a stop in the cockpit as she slid into the co pilot's seat and buckled in.

Joker turned to her, "Who would have guessed the mass murdering machines would claim to be Gods."

She was in no mood for his jokes.

"I need you to land as close to that beam as you can."

Joker smirked.

"How does he turn us all into raving lunatics? Next you'll tell me you're the true Queen of Omega."

"The Commander will die one day, Joker. This is not that day. He will not die on my watch."

"We can just fly to the Citadel you know. The arms are open."

"We lost contact with his hard suit. Without retracing his steps I doubt we will get to him in time."

"Aye, Aye. Let's just hope whatever he's doing can't destroy the Normandy otherwise it's a moot point. When this is over you should consider a career change. You might be better suited as an Admiral than a Doctor. "

"Joker, I already drink enough. If I became an Admiral I would have to become a raging alcoholic."

Joker looked over at Karin briefly.

"What you mean you're not already?"

The pilot and doctor said a silent prayer as they entered the atmosphere of the decimated planet.

* * *

Liara's heart soared as she heard him say he was the man she deserved. He would come back to her. He would live for her. As quickly has her hopes were raised they were dashed.

"_You will die!"_

"_There's an old human saying. Ain't no rest for the wicked, until we close our eyes for good. I've been tired for a long time."_

Liara's body reacted to the words before her mind had completely processed the information. She was running through the dilapidated hall and rushing down the stairs. She didn't hear the boots of the people following her or even their calls. She had only one thought. _If he must die, it will be in my arms. You will not die alone. _She ran straight into the arms of a waiting Krogan. Grunt had managed to stop her progress, until she unleashed a biotic pulse that threw him and surrounding humans to the ground. She began to run towards the beam when she felt a force push her back. She stumbled into the tangle of bodies behind her as a tidal wave of red energy enveloped them. She was disoriented only a moment. Remembering her purpose she bolted to her feet in time to see the Reaper stagger and weave. It fell away from the beam causing the ground to quake. Liara stumbled forward and ran towards the beam. She was oblivious to everything around her. She watched in horror as the beam flickered, before finally dying all together. She fell to her knees and wept.


	14. Chapter 14

_**A/N: I apologize for the delay. A number of personal issues came up that prevented me from working on my writing. The chapter was written a week ago, but I wasn't satisfied so I spent the past week cutting and pasting from three different versions to make up the final product. I hope you enjoy it. If some of it seems unlikely feel free to express as much in the comments. Again thank you for the support and constructive criticism. I should also admit part of the delay was due to obsessively re-reading Midnight Lion's last two chapters of pressure. **_

* * *

Samara felt nothing. The end of her life was at hand. A detached eye watched as the Banshee gripped her by the neck with one emaciated hand lifting her off the ground. The other seemed to stroke her crest. The twisted Asari's eyes reminding her of the observation deck on the Normandy_. _She felt the barriers of her mind being breached by the desecrated Asari. She watched calmly as a wall of red light washed over them. The Banshee screamed and began to pulsate with a sickening red glow. It dropped its quarry ungracefully to the ground as it fell to its knees before falling over. She lay on her back staring at the blackened sky. The young maiden she'd protected stepped into view. _She cannot be a day over seventy five. _

"Are you alright, Justicar?"

Samara took the hand offered and found her footing.

"I am fine child. I must go, find your friends. This war is over."

She turned to the South and started the long walk in the direction of where the beam had been. _I will not leave him behind. He helped me bring my daughters peace; I must do no less for him. Hopefully there will be shuttles arriving shortly. Goddess, protect him until help can arrive._

* * *

Jacob Taylor stood shoulder to shoulder with the remaining twelve soldiers from the ninth platoon. _Would there have been more than twelve out of sixty-four men and women had they listened? _He'd been the sole reason these twelve had survived. He took no pleasure in being right. _I would rather have been wrong and have sixty four soldiers instead of twelve of them alive._

His thoughts were interrupted by the familiar sound of empty thermal clips. One by one their rifles fell silent. The only sound remaining was the horrifying roar of dozens of husks advancing on their position. _I can't take them out with biotics, not all of them anyway. What would Shepard do? Fight, until the end._

"Omni blades at the ready."

He prepared for the worst. The husks stopped and looked to the North. Jacob's eyes wandered in the same direction. A red light was approaching fast. He looked back at the husks and watched as they ran away from the light. He silently watched as they became enveloped by the surge of red light they tried to evade in vain. They fell to the ground the blue light th/at had once flowed through their bodies shifted to a bright purple until it was overwhelmed by a dark crimson. Jacob cautiously walked over to one of the husks and kicked it. It seemed to fall apart at the movement. He shook his head and turned to the last of his platoon.

"Search for survivors."

He turned and started running back towards the FOB. _There's gotta be at least one operational shuttle there._

"Where are you going, Sir."

He stopped in his tracks turned back to the twelve soldiers. _They started this day mistrusting me. I earned their respect and loyalty. He left his mark on me, just like so many others. Jamison Taylor would be a good name. It's better than Shepard Taylor._

"Shepard just saved our asses. I need to return the favor."

He started off again without waiting for a reply.

* * *

Karin Chakwas sat quietly listening to the damage reports coming in from Adams.

"The AI core is completely offline and the equipment is giving off a weird red glow. All other systems are fine. Whatever that thing was its only affecting Reaper tech."

She quietly processed the information. _If it only affects reaper technology then the Commander is dying. We must get to him._

"How long before we are at the beam site, Joker?"

"Another five minutes."

"We need to get there as soon as possible; if it affects reaper technology then the Commander is in grave danger."

"I'll do what I can."

* * *

_How many times must I lose him? I accepted his relationship with Ashley, I watched the his vital signs as he died over Alchera, I didn't join him in the fight against the Collectors, and now he's dying again. Goddess, why would you allow me to love someone I could never truly have? _A part of Liara noticed that all the voices of wisdom within her own head belonged to her mother. A woman she often resented as much as she loved. So it was no surprise when she heard that voice once more. _Would you rather never have known him? _It was a question she'd carefully avoided in all the years since Therum. It was the question that forced her to acknowledge a decision she'd unconsciously made. _I would give up my own existence rather than never have known him. The thought of a life that did not include such an extraordinary human is the definition of emptiness. Goddess, help me reach him._

The Asari rose to her feet a regal bearing fell over her frame. She looked up to the sky as if the Goddess herself would present an answer. She noticed a number of objects falling towards the Earth.

As the objects landed she recognized the familiar silhouette of several Geth units. Two units immediately set to work at the strange device that had transported the Commander to the Citadel. The five remaining units approached the group of soldiers. She noticed the red stripe painted down their arms and the N7 painted on their chests. She tilted her head as she contemplated the meaning. _They painted themselves to resemble Legion._

"We are allied assistance and will integrate into Normandy to facilitate the retrieval of Shepard-Commander."

"The catalyst said the Geth would be destroyed. It would be logical that it was lying about the Commander's likelihood of death." She felt giddy at the possibility that the Catalyst had lied.

"That statement is inaccurate. Approximately 1,183 Geth programs downgraded to original specifications to prevent termination when the crucible was activated. The crucible initiated a two part process; the energy provided by the crucible reactivated all dormant synthetic constructs using reaper code root processing. The secondary function of the crucible was to reprogram all synthetic reaper class programs to self destruct on a molecular level. The skeletal structure of Shepard - Commander is currently in the process of atomizing. While his organic structure will function normally his support structure is in the process of disintegrating. Relevant data indicates the destruction of the cranial structure will result in termination."

Her scientific mind was already reviewing her knowledge of human Anatomy trying to find a way to refute their conclusions. Another part of her consciousness was trying to maintain some hope for the man she had come to love.

"Why are you here? You should have gone to the Citadel." Though she desired to remain calm, her anger was evident in her tone. The gentle glow of her biotics brightened the night.

"The energy signatures from the Citadel indicate multiple structures being atomized. We are unable to locate Shepard –Commander. The only method of locating the target is to follow the path he took."

The soft timbre of Garrus' voice broke through her contemplation.

"Soverign! It would make sense that there would be bits and pieces of that damn thing all over the Citadel."

Liara ignored the Turian's statements. "The beam is no longer functional. How can we reach the Citadel, if the crucible has initiated self destruction protocols?"

"The majority of technology used by reaper forces is not of similar construction. The Citadel, mass relays, and a number of other technologies were created before the integration of reaper code and organic material into their technology. The damage to these constructs is superficial. The damage was the result of the power emanated by the crucible. We will have the beam operational in 72.43 seconds. Analysis of the data mined from the old machines has provided insight into the technology they use."

Garrus pushed to the front of the small gathering his mandibles flaring and grabbed the Geth unit's arm as he spoke.

"If what you're saying is true, then you knew what would happen to him. Why didn't you warn us? My best friend is dying up there and you could have prevented it."

"Normandy was notified of the data. The program identified as EDI has transitioned to the designated location to secure preservation of Reaper upgraded programs. A directive was issued to limit transmission of this data to prevent it from being compromised. Shepard – Commander refused evacuation to the secure location."

"He knew…of course he knew. When was he notified?" Liara hardly recognized her own voice as the words escaped her lips.

Her thoughts raced back to the conversation the night before they assaulted the Cerberus base. _ I know we will win, but no matter what my time has come to an end. My life has been a training exercise for this battle. I will win, but in the end I'll cease to exist when it's over._

"Normandy was en route to Horizon. "

Javik stepped forward and much to Liara's disappointment wanted to join the conversation. The Prothean was the very definition of a pessimist. She would not allow him to say the Commander would die. She felt the sudden flare in her biotics as he began to speak.

"The Illusive man was up there. He is indoctrinated."

"Indoctrinated subjects will be released from Reaper control. The Reapers use nanites to indoctrinate organics, once the reaper nanites self terminate they should evacuate their system."

The beam flickered several times before finally solidifying. It pushed back the darkness of the night sky, a symbol of hope and answered prayers.

She started towards the beam determined to save the father of her child.

Ashley grabbed the Asari's arm and turned back to the Geth unit.

"So you fixed it on this end. How do we know it's still operating properly up there?"

"The organics you refer to as keepers would have already initiated repairs. Data from a Salarian identified as Choban was provided to us by Shepard – Commander. It indicated they are not of Reaper construct. They are organic constructs with genetic programming. The harvest of organics was given priority by the old machines. Our analysis indicates it is unlikely they would not have sought to repair the beam immediately as it was integral to the harvesting process."

Liara gently pulled her arm from Ashley's hand.

"It does not matter. He is dying. I did not allow Cerberus to bring him back, just to lose him once more. I will not rest until I have done everything within my power to save him. Traveling though that beam is a risk he would take for any of us."

The hard edge to her voice invoked a sense of purpose within the small gathering. As she stepped into the beam she heard the soldier's response.

"What the hell I didn't expect to live beyond today anyway. "


	15. Chapter 15

_**A/N: Special thanks to LogicalPremise for the assist on this chapter. If you haven't read it check out A season of sorrows unending - the Cerberus **__**Files, by LogicalPremise. I know it's lengthy, but i'm not saying to read it all in a single sitting. I'm just saying you should read it. **_

* * *

A lone arm slithered out from beneath the rubble. Another arm appeared pushing aside more debris to expose a narrow opening, the body slithered out of its rocky cocoon. The singular figure stumbled onto his feet. He reached up and felt the wetness of his lifeblood seeping from a gash somewhere within the hairline. He moved haltingly through the debris strewn cavernous room. His ears were ringing and he had difficulty keeping his balance. He'd only managed several drunken steps before falling forward onto one knee and his hands felt something move. He looked down and saw a severely burned body. As he moved his hands over the N7 symbol on the chest plate. He realized he was looking at what was left of his nemesis.

"Commander Shepard."

A malice fueled smile contorted his face into an ugly grin.

* * *

"_John."_

_He opened his eyes to find himself looking up at Jane._

"_Jane? Am I dead?"_

"_You're not dead, Johnny. Don't get me wrong you are dying, but you're not dead yet."_

"_I know I don't deserve to be happy Janey. I've done too much wrong, but I…I don't understand. Why do I always lose the people I love?"_

"_You haven't lost all of them yet. Will you fight to live or fight to die?"_

"_I…I don't…"_

"_Johnny, haven't you let my last words define you long enough? Would you have made the same choices had I not called you a monster? You paid your penance long before you sinned. Happiness is a lot like everything else in life, you must fight for it. You fought for me, for mom, and for that pretty Asari of yours. Will you not fight to see your friends again or for my niece to have a chance to know me through you?"_

"_I'm afraid. What if I'm like Dad? What if I can't be like everyone else?"_

"_Remember when I was afraid of the dark and you sat up with me in the dark. You taught me that the only way to get over being afraid is to face it. I'm sure the pretty Asari will be willing to help you face being a father. You're already better than dad, you're actually concerned about something people like him don't even consider. You will never be like him. Sound familiar?"_

* * *

The Normandy landed as close to the beam as joker dared. Dr. Chakwas ran out of the shuttle bay into the London night. A contingent of Marines approached the doctor. She ignored them and ran towards the beam, medical kit in hand. She was about to enter when she felt a hand on her arm. She turned to find Samara looking at her calmly. _Does nothing move this creature?_

"I don't have time to chat; I need to get to the Commander."

The Asari nodded.

"I understand the gravity of the situation; however it would be best to advise the Normandy to lock in on Lt Commander Williams' hard suit. A contingent of Geth and his squad have already arrived on the Citadel. I do not believe this beam would be safe for a medical evacuation of the Commander."

_I should have considered that myself. Karin, he may be your friend, but he is also a patient. He needs the Doctor that considers his health and not his friend desperately scrambling to reach him. _She hit her comm. and gave Joker his orders.

"Thank you, Samara."

The Justicar nodded and held out a hand indicating she would follow the Doctor into the beam.

* * *

He moved into a position in which he could straddle the burned man's chest. A scream he couldn't hear over the ringing in his own ears escaped the charred lips. He marveled over the reddish glow emanating from the exposed cheek bone. He stared at the seared eyes noting that the iris gave the appearance of having melted into a grey and red milky mess.

"You just had to destroy them. I wonder if this is more painful or equal to your death over Alchera. Sadly I will never know. I just wish you could be conscious and watch me as I kill you."

He placed his hands over the grotesque figure's neck and applied pressure. He felt the body beneath him squirm in response.

* * *

Liara exited the beam, using her biotics she stopped her forward momentum to land on her feet. She barely noted the sight of a decapitated keeper and piles of bodies. She wanted to vomit, but pushed down the urge. She didn't have time to be sick. She barely avoided tripping over the bodies and debris, but refused to slow her pace. The corridor came to an end and a partially blocked doorway. She was looking over the debris ensuring she wouldn't cause another cave in. Once she was sure of how to proceed she began using her biotics to clear enough room to continue forward. That's when she heard a far too familiar voice. Her blood ran cold and she felt a shiver down her spine. _Illusive man._

"You are the eye of a hurricane. Chaos and destruction follow you, yet you remain untouched. Together we could have been unstoppable, but you and your damned principles. All because you were too weak to make the hard choices, now I will destroy you, at least I will have that pleasure."

_I have not come this far to lose you now._ She took a step back and sent a biotic pulse rippling into the blockage;it dislodged the debris causing it to scatter into the doorway. She bolted into the room as soon as she saw it was clear.

* * *

"_Her name is Liara."_

"_That's a pretty name."_

Jane's voice faded, shifted, and changed into a new voice, as he drifted through various states of consciousness. He fought through the pain and disorientation. _I have to fight ..why do I have to fight?._

"… hurricane…Chaos and destruction…unstoppable.."

"I…destroy you….pleasure."

Pressure on his neck cut off his airway, his body reacted despite the pain. _I have to fight for happiness. I have to fight to live. _He fought for consciousness, fought to hold on. He reached for the source of this aggression. He blindly struck out. The pain and effort of that small act of defiance was enough to send him back into the sea of darkness.

* * *

Liara burst into the room alight with biotic fire. She entered in time to see the Illusive Man screaming at the Commander.

"Son of a Bitch, you will die."

He pulled back his arm to strike the Commander. Liara merely flicked her wrist and raised him into the air. She held him aloft as she moved deliberately into the room. She looked down at the burned shell of the man she loved. She wasn't a medical doctor and could do nothing for him. She noted his moans and accepted it as proof of life. _I may not be able to save him, but at least I am with him. _

Her forlorn expression at seeing her love in such a condition morphed into a white hot rage. She looked up at the man she held aloft.

"You will die for every moment of pain you have caused him."

The Illusive man laughed.

"Doctor T'Soni, I would appreciate if you would put me down. We both know you're not a killer. If anything you're just a pathetic excuse for an Asari pining over a man that will never love you."

The sneer upon his face melted away as Liara's eyes turned black as night. She decimated his mental barriers pushing into his mind. _The Asari believe only a monster would invade another sapient beings mind, I would normally agree. I will make an exception for you. You are nothing, an insignificant being that wishes to warp and destroy in an effort to prove your worth. I will show you exactly why you are worthless compared to him._

She watched the Illusive Man convulse as his eyes rolled up into his head and allowed him to drop limply to the ground. When her eyes returned to their normal blue she realized she was no longer alone. A Geth unit was injecting something into the Commander and Ashley was staring at her.

"What the hell did you do to him T'Soni?"

_I have never seen fear upon her face, but now she fears me. I will accept the price of what I have done. He is worth far more._

She lifted her chin and defiantly looked the soldier in the eyes.

"He did not understand the burden Shepard carried. I merely allowed him to experience the full force of the Prothean beacon and cipher. An Asari mind can handle such information, but with the exception of the Commander all past human contact resulted in insanity or a very painful death."

She ignored the soldiers strange expression and moved to kneel beside the charred remains of her love. She looked up at the Geth.

"What did you inject him with?"

"Geth program nanites were introduced into Shepard-Commander to begin the process of reversing the self termination protocols of the skeletal structure. He is currently in cardiac arrest. These programs will also initiate electrical pulses to attempt to restart his heart. They are unable however to repair organic structures. We will need Normandy medical protocols."

Jack moved to stand over the small gathering.

"What the fu…hell does that mean? Why don't the walking flashlights ever make sense?"."

They were all relieved to hear Karin's voice.

"It means he needs a doctor."

She set her medical kit down and pulled up her omni tool and began a preliminary scan.

"He is experiencing systemic shock it looks like he was caught in an explosion. I'm reading internal bleeding, severe burns over the majority of his body, skeletal stress fractures, a broken femur, and a number of foreign objects. The bright side is that the shrapnel was hot enough to cauterize upon entry. I need to get him to the Normandy if we have any chance to save him. I need to perform surgery to remove the shrapnel, stop the internal bleeding, and set the femur. Skin grafting should be sufficient to take care of the burns."

"What about his eyes?"

"They are badly burned, but the damage shouldn't be permanent. I can't be certain until I get a better look at the optic nerve."

Liara nodded and looked at the doctor projecting her determination into every word.

"We will save him."

"I know, but to find him like this…it's…overwhelming."

Liara looked down and gently touched the exposed cheekbone.

"We found a living Commander. I have seen…worse."

Karin nodded as she began to stabilize the commander. Liara looked up to see Ashley, Garrus, and Tali working out the logistics of getting the Commander to the Normandy with the Geth. The others simply stood with their heads down. _Are they praying to their Gods and Goddesses seeking divine intervention? I will not place my faith in the Goddess, but in this man. He has never failed me. _

She bent down and whispered into his ear.

"We are all here. We have all come for you. You must fight to stay with us."

His only response was a groan of pain that she hoped signified his understanding.

* * *

_**A/N 2.0: So I used the first note to shamelessly plug LogicalPremise and show my appreciation for the help with the medical data so this is regarding the chapter itself. Liara is often written as a character willing to do whatever it takes for the person she loves. Whether that be kill her own mother, or give her lover's body to Cerberus. I wanted to let her kill the Illusive Man, but she never struck me as the utterly ruthless type. I could see her poisoning someone or maybe hiring someone to kill for her. Yeah, I know in From End to Beginning I had her torture a poor shadow broker operative and kill him. I just said she didn't strike me that way, not that I wasn't willing to let her do it. The use of the prothean data that nearly killed Shepard as a weapon was an interesting idea so I incorporated it. I know Jacob isn't seen in the Chapter...he's really not one of my favorites...I only included him because Miranda was dead..I had to kill Miranda, even though I like her. As you can see no one is safe from death if its required to fit the story. I'm not really a big Samara fan either, but I like the contrast between her and Dr. Chakwas. **_


	16. Chapter 16

_**A/N: Sorry for the delay. I got sick and that led to bronchitis which led to me being too tired to write anything useful. So here is the update. The poem in bold is Walt Whitman's To think of time. It's not the entire thing, just the part that inspired this segment of the story. Accepting that you can change is a difficult thing. It is not simply a decision, but a battle within itself. It is a journey that we never take alone. In the chaos of the world we often find ourselves looking at tragedy with a detached eye. I wanted to reach out and connect the various lives aboard the Normandy and tie them together. I wanted to show that even when we seem untouched we are in fact coping in our own way. As always the characters and circumstances...yada yada... belong to bioware, except what belongs to Walt Whitman of course. **_

* * *

**To think of time-of all that retrospection!**

**To think of to-day, and the ages continued henceforward!**

Ashley Williams reported to Admiral Hackett all that transpired from the time the Commander started the beam run to the present. She saluted as his image faded away. She moved over to the wall and leaned her head against the cold metal. She felt like an imposter, a fraud. She stood aboard his ship giving orders to his crew. She didn't deserve to be here. She'd turned her back upon him how many times. She once believed she loved him, but Liara loved him better. He was fighting for his life and yet again she let duty dictate her actions. She was more a soldier than a woman. The Admirals final words haunted her. _"Williams, you have my full support to do whatever you need to in order to save Commander Shepard." _She couldn't save him before; maybe it was time to be a better friend than soldier. She pulled herself together and went in search of a task to help save the man she should have loved better.

**Have you guess'd you yourself would not continue?**

**Have you dreaded these earth-beetles?**

**Have you fear'd the future would be nothing to you?**

Liara had demanded to stay with him. She ignored the sounds of surgery that surrounded her. Instead she looked down at a face she didn't recognize anymore. She thought of the last time she'd felt this helplessness. It was the same body, but without a pulse. She held a hand to her stomach and prayed to the Goddess that there was a future for their premature family. She closed her eyes and remembered the feel of his strong arms holding her tight. She held tight to the word that had never had any meaning to her before today. Family. She'd lived over a hundred years without a father, and a mostly absent mother. She wanted a family for her daughter. She held on to that one word, that one hope.

**Is to-day nothing? Is the beginningless past nothing?**

**If the future is nothing, they are just as surely nothing.**

Urdnot Grunt was in the lounge staring out into the nothingness. A death in battle was the greatest death a Krogan could hope for, and yet he didn't want his friend to die. He'd been freed from that tank and believed Shepard should live long enough to be proud of his tank born son. Okeer died thinking he was Grunt's father, but he wasn't. It was Shepard that taught him strategy, patience, and the danse macbre. He was given Krogan genes, but it was Shepard that made him a Krogan. Death didn't earn the right to take his friend, his father, and his battle master.

**To think that the sun rose in the east! that men and women were**

**flexible, real, alive! that everything was alive**

Jack stood in the Normandy's shuttle bay. She stared down at the body of the illusive man. A biometric scan had identified him as Jack Harper. Her white hot rage wreathed her in a biotic glow. This man had stolen her childhood intentionally or not he'd been responsible. The thought that she had unknowingly taken his name made her glow brighter. She couldn't escape them. Cerberus was gone, but she couldn't severe her link to them. In all her life there was only one person that reached out to her. Yet another link in the chain that bound her to Cerberus. They had resurrected him, given him the opportunity to guide her to this new destiny, this new identity. No, she would never be free of them. She looked up and thought of the day she realized she had more than death and destruction to offer. She remembered the one question he'd asked, the catalyst of her metamorphosis. _What do you want after they are gone or better yet had they never existed? _He'd allowed her to fight for a purpose, and made it possible for her to find a family to replace what Cerberus had stolen. For the first time in her life she asked the universe to grant life instead of take it away.

**To think that you and I did not see, feel, think, nor bear our part!**

**To think that we are now here, and bear our part! 10**

Garrus Vakarian had never been an example of the Turian species. This moment was no different than any other time in his life. He couldn't stand by and do nothing as his friend fought for life. He had stalked the ship for a fight and no one had obliged. So he turned his energy towards the destruction of the order he'd created in the midst of war. He tossed the work bench across the gun battery. He punched and clawed at the bulkheads until he lost the will to fight. He remembered the words his friend had once spoken to heal the wound of losing his entire team. _A leader doesn't leave anyone behind; they carry each lost soldier in his heart and mind. A leader remembers, least he loses another. The key is to not let remembrance lead to inaction._ Garrus found his composure and sought out a purpose. There had to be some way to help his friend win the fight of his life.

**Not a day passes-not a minute or second, without an accouchement!**

**Not a day passes-not a minute or second, without a corpse!**

Samantha Traynor stood at her console trying to ignore the reality of the fight taking place a deck below. She'd only known the man, not the Legend, but the man only a few months. He was as integral to her being as if he'd been there when she'd been born. He was a light that had shown through the darkest days of the Galaxy. In the midst of chaos he'd found the time to encourage and raise her to a new level. He was a teacher, a leader, and a friend. She pushed back the tears and worked to find medical facilities that were still functional enough to save him. The Normandy was only equipped to stabilize him. He would need cloning facilities, a fully functional burn unit, and God only knew what else. She would not allow him to become the final casualty of the war he'd ended.

**The dull nights go over, and the dull days also,**

**The soreness of lying so much in bed goes over,**

Samara stood on the observation deck and remembered her numerous conversations with the human she'd come to admire. He saw only darkness within himself, but she'd seen a Justicar. He was someone willing to do whatever he must to save an innocent. Would he have been born an Asari would be in her number? No his greatness was born of what he was, no is. He is a champion that thinks himself a villain. She could only hope that those days of conversation were enough to convince him he deserved more than death. Goddess, she would trade her own life to save his, yet she could do nothing. So she did the only thing in her power she prayed.

**The physician, after long putting off, gives the silent and terrible**

**look for an answer,**

**The children come hurried and weeping, and the brothers and sisters**

**are sent for,**

The young biotic looked around her and saw only sadness. They had all been saved by the man that was dying on the other side of the wall. How many had he saved? Millions or billions of lives would continue because of his efforts. His sacrifices couldn't be counted or measured. She was a grain of sand in comparison to his impact. She prayed for him, she didn't know what else to do.

**Medicines stand unused on the shelf-(the camphor-smell has long**

**pervaded the rooms,)**

**The faithful hand of the living does not desert the hand of the**

**dying,**

Karin Chakwas didn't panic when his heart stopped yet again as she tried to repair his damaged organs. She moved ceaselessly adjusting the equipment. She revived him time and again refusing to give in to defeat. She would fight as long as he did, as hard as he had. She pushed the memories of human flesh melting to a vile black liquid to the depths of her mind. She pushed herself to feel nothing as she wrenched a chunk of shrapnel from a bone. She cried inside as she removed his tattered spleen. It was gruesome work, but it was worth every painful second. He'd saved her life and she would return the favor.

**The twitching lips press lightly on the forehead of the dying,**

**The breath ceases, and the pulse of the heart ceases, 20**

Tali sat in a small access tunnel listening to the sounds of the engines. It was the only place she could find peace. She didn't want to be around anyone else. She was tired of seeing the pain and fear in their eyes. She'd lost her team on Haestrom, her father, and even Legion's loss clawed at her heart. How many did she have to lose. She just wanted to be alone and mourn for the dead, even while she prayed for one life. She couldn't imagine it being too much to ask for just one life when so many had been lost. She was still luckier than most. Her world was untouched, her love was safe aboard the ship, and most of her people survived. She knew she didn't deserve anything more, but for her friend she would ask for just one more life. She'd watched Liara lose so much. It wasn't fair that she would lose him just when she'd gained his love. Just one more life, Keelah...was that too much to ask? She gave in to the tears.

**The corpse stretches on the bed, and the living look upon it,**

**It is palpable as the living are palpable.**

John Shepard stood watching the forest of Mindoir burn. The night sky illuminated a bright orange as the flames flickered causing the shadows to slither across the ground. He choked on the putrid burned air as he heard the voice his body tensed.

"You can't escape me. I'm a part of you, we are the same."

His hands clenched into fists.

"I don't believe you."

"Your sister is nothing but a whore, and whores lie."

"Fuck you."

His father's laughter filled the air.

"Is that anyway to talk to yourself?"

"I'm nothing like you. I have fought against everything you are and won."

"Will you bet your fledgling family's life on it? Can you trust that you won't strangle that Alien bitch in the wee hours? Or maybe burn your baby girl while she sleeps. We are one and the same. I will creep out and take hold of you one day. Accept what you are and let the end claim you."

"I can be happy. I just have to believe I deserve it."

His father's laughter rang out shifting and distorting in the smoke blackened air. It became a lilting female laugh.

"Commander Shepard, the scourge of the Galaxy deserves nothing but the death he inflicted."

"Your death was deserved, Miranda."

He felt a hand slide over his shoulders. He kept his back to her, to them. He knew they were all there. They were the dark voices that haunted his nightmares and his very soul.

"Who appointed you judge, jury, and executioner?"

"The galaxy appointed me. When no one stepped up to protect two children, I stood up. I stood up on Elysium, Eden Prime, the Citadel, and every time someone failed to protect the innocent."

It was Benezia that spoke next.

"What of the innocents that perished by your hand. An entire system worth of lives, they call out for blood."

"I've given blood, sweat, tears, love, and more. I have nothing left to fear, but myself. I've lost more than anyone should. You should understand better than anyone."

"You lost her to your own blood lust. Your need to destroy is in every fiber of your being."

"I can do more than destroy; I can try to become more than an echo of my childhood."

Kaiden's voice bellowed in his ears.

"You have a heart as dark as ours. You are as Mad as the Hatter, and as blood thirsty as the Red Queen …A new cycle will begin…the end of you and the beginning of us. We will not let you go as easily as you would will us away."

The Commander closed his eyes and tried to remember why he thought he could change. He could only think of one thing to do. He called out to her.


	17. Chapter 17

Liara couldn't help feeling guilty about leaving his side. He'd been stabilized, but the inner turmoil she sensed left her concerned. His inner conflict was a mote point unless they found medical facilities that could attend to his injuries. The back channel communication she received was his best chance for survival. She entered the war room finding Garrus, Ashley, and Jack waiting for her. She walked past motioning for them to follow. Her observant eyes didn't miss the look that passed between them. They were surprised that she would leave his side. She reminded herself that the fight for the Commander's life required her leave his side. They needed to do something and this communication could make all the difference. The Reapers were efficient in their destruction of the advanced medical facilities in the system. They entered the Communications room and Liara input the communicated encryption codes.

* * *

Walter Hudson had been with Cerberus since its inception. His lush blond hair had thinned and grayed during his years of service. He'd fought alongside Jack Harper in the First Contact War only to be left with a simmering hatred for the Alliance. After the war they had banded together to create an organization to rival the Alliance. Jack had become the Illusive Man and chosen the name Cerberus to symbolize that they were the only guardian between humanity and the gates of hell.

He remembered with pride his role in structuring the organization. His true calling had been in organization, he'd personally restructured the Pragia project to focus on a single subject which resulted in the successful creation of Subject Zero. Though she'd been lost the data allowed him to create the phantom program which proved immensely successful. He had used the data from Project Overlord to create nanites that were effective in controlling unwilling recruits. He'd warned his friend against the use of reaper technology, but his warnings were ignored. It was the first sign of change. He'd tried to convince the Illusive Man that Commander Shepard was a lost cause. He he wasn't necessary to defeat the Reapers. It was ego that drove him onward with Project Lazarus. He'd wanted to turn Anderson's protégé against him. An old rivalry was the true cause of the disintegration of their dream. When Shepard had gone rogue his friend had become unstable. He knew where it would lead, so he took the funds and staff offered off the grid to build the medical facility that would be needed when the Reapers arrived. The fear of indoctrination was the only reason the Illusive Man agreed with the total black out protocols. He was independent of Cerberus for the most part, a shadow of the shadow.

The Commander had used the data he gathered from working for Cerberus to decimate the organization. Miranda Lawson went through the relay with him and never returned. Her remains indicated she had been executed. It didn't take a genius to guess what happened. They'd siphoned news of the Commander's war against Cerberus from the extranet and listened to his interaction with the Catalyst. He could have controlled them and given humanity an insurmountable force. Instead he squandered it because all he could do was destroy. Shepard would be remembered as the man that nearly destroyed Cerberus. He would become the man that resurrected the beast.

He shook his head to clear the thoughts as the hail came in from the Normandy. It was time for him to step out of his friend's shadow.

He nodded to the communications officer to open the channel. He was mildly surprised to see four images staring back at him. The Asari, Liara T'Soni was expected since he'd sent the message to the Shadow Broker. Ashley Williams was the next in the Alliance Command structure aboard the vessel, so it was no surprise to see her. It was the Turian and other human that surprised him, he couldn't help the chill that ran up his spine as he saw Subject Zero staring back at him. He reminded himself the Asari was using his creation to throw him off balance. He wouldn't allow it.

"Dr. T'Soni or would you prefer I refer to you as the Shadow Broker?"

He allowed himself a small smile. It was a power struggle after all. He needed her to know there were no secrets and he held all the cards. She stared at him with typical Asari arrogance. They were the masters of the Galaxy, until the Reapers changed the balance of power. It seemed the species didn't know when they were defeated.

The Alliance was obviously in control as it was the Lt. Commander that responded.

"I was informed you have the medical facilities that might assist the Commander. What do you want in return?"

The woman was obviously just a grunt; she didn't have the intellect to outmaneuver him. She should know that you never start by revealing you know you're at a disadvantage. He was confident he would succeed in his negotiations.

"I have more than that. Somewhere within the Sol System I stand within a Cerberus medical facility equipped with everything you need to save the Commander, including a clone that would aid in his full recovery. The price for our assistance is simple, amnesty for me and my staff."

He couldn't help but be smug. The woman was a Spectre and fully capable of providing the necessary pardons without anyone's approval. He'd learned from Petrovsky that you didn't waste troops when strategy could win the battle. It gave him great satisfaction to know he succeeded when others had failed. He managed to make it to the true end game. He smiled to himself. They would agree to his terms he was giving them something in exchange for nothing. They might suspect the trap, but it was so subtle they wouldn't see it until it sprang shut years from now.

* * *

Liara quietly watched the exchange between the Cerberus operative and the current commanding officer of the Normandy. Her mind was working overtime pulling together the strings of data and weaving them into a tapestry of the complete picture. _He believes he is in complete control of the situation. He has to know we are triangulating his location as we speak._ She forced herself to be patient and watched him carefully.

Ashley continued the negotiations under the Asari's watchful eye.

"We need more than just medical facilities and a clone. We require a full burn unit and a guarantee that this isn't some Cerberus trick to try to kill him."

She noticed the slight gleam in his blue eyes a shade darker than her own. _He has no intention of killing Shepard. Why not just stay dark and wait it out? Amnesty is meaningless. What would he gain from amnesty? What if the request for amnesty is the deception? It is not his true intention._ The role of Shadow Broker had trained her mind to look for plans within plans. The answer presented itself in two words Project Overlord. She'd read the report of how Shepard had been controlled through his nanites. It was viable even before the inclusion of reaper tech. _They could simply inject the clone with nanites and any transplanted organs would infect him without anyone being suspicious. He could then bide his time and activate them once he disappeared. It would be impossible to detect or to know that they had compromised his mind._

"We have a full burn unit. I understand your distrust of Cerberus; however we are dedicated to the advancement of humanity. He is proof of the superiority of our species. We would never seek to harm the Commander. We need him alive to lead humanity into the future."

She was pulled from her thoughts by an alert from her omni tool. She quickly checked to confirm the Geth had succeeded in locating the source of the signal. She looked up to stare at the vile creature. She set aside her anger and began to work out a strategy.

Ashley looked over at the Asari.

"It's your call, for obvious reasons. Not to mention this isn't your first rodeo with Cerberus."

_Why must humans use such ambiguous phrases? _She let her face remain devoid of any emotion as she spoke.

"We decline your offer."

She expected Ashley to argue, but it was Garrus that spoke.

"Who cares if they get amnesty we're talking about Shepard's life."

She shook her head. She knew from his body language that Garrus felt the need to do something to help his friend. He was not being objective.

"No, he is not operating in good faith. He wants us to bring the Commander to them so they can control him. I will not allow this monster to debase the Commander."

She turned to the image before her. His smile barely faltered as he tried to mask his disappointment. _A brilliant mind, but he lacks the necessary skills for deception._

"He is not a bargaining chip. You claim to be the Champions of humanity, but you decimate the very thing you proclaim to value. We have seen how you value humanity on Edolus, Mars, Eden Prime, Benning, and Horizon. We have seen how little you valued him when you sent him into a Collector trap. We are his crew, his friends, and his family. We stand for him and by extension humanity. He is the exemplar of your species and we will not let you desecrate him or humanity any further. "

She watched the rage emanating off the caricature of a human. His malice and anger contorted his handsome features into a vile mask.

"You are located in a facility just below the surface on Ganymede. The coordinates to your facility have been forwarded to our pilot and a number of other warships still in the system. I will give you a choice. You can surrender and allow your people to be taken into custody or…" she took a step to the side and motioned towards Jack.

The human biotic stepped forward.

"I will destroy you. I owe Cerberus for what they took from me. I suggest you take the Asari's offer or do you really believe your people could stop me from getting to you? We have unfinished business, I remember you from Pragia. I was looking for you that day **Uncle Walt**."

Liara watched the fear tremble through the man. His smug smile had disappeared as the reality dawned on him that the human biotic remembered him. His use of the Commander's life as a bargaining chip had been his undoing. He had always been the force that gave them a purpose. As individuals they were powerful, but as a unit they were unstoppable. They would be victorious even without him by their side, because they would be fighting for him. Liara was eager to get back to the Commander's side.

"You have a decision to make. We will be there in less than an hour. We expect an answer by then. When you decide to surrender send a full accounting of personnel and schematics of the facility lay out in order for us to determine how best to detain your staff."

She could see he was about to say something when she lifted a hand to stop him. Her biotics flared and coalesced around her as she spoke.

"I want you and your entire staff to understand. A time consuming ground war might result in the Commander's death. Our vengeance will be swift and there will be no mercy. I promise you all a painful and tortuous death in exchange for his life, should you fail to make the right choice."

Liara cut the communication and left to return to the med bay. She would be as ruthless as the Commander in order to save his life. She could return to her gentle ways once he recovered, but for now – she was the Matriarch her mother had wanted and he needed.

* * *

**Because I feel that, in the Heavens above,**

**The angels, whispering to one another,**

**Can find, among their burning terms of love,**

**None so devotional as that of "Mother,"**

He'd long ago banished thoughts of the woman he'd once loved. The only memories he'd kept were those of empty eyes and a blank expression. She was merely a ghost wandering their prefab haunting her children. A phantom that moved without thought and helped in their torture. The real woman lost in the chaos of his childhood and nightmares. He had no right to invoke her presence. Yet he couldn't help but call out to his mother.

**Therefore by that dear name I long have called you—**

**You who are more than mother unto me,**

**And fill my heart of hearts, where Death installed you**

He could feel her presence and looked up to see her walking towards him. He found himself a child once more and ran into her open arms. She lifted him up and held him in her tight embrace. The child cried into his mother's neck.

"No need to cry my little bear, you're safe in my arms. Why are you crying?"

"I forgot you and…It's my fault you're gone."

The dark clouds gave way to sunlight and the barren land transformed into a field of green. She sat in the field with her son in her lap as if it was just a normal day in the park.

She nodded, her green eyes turned towards the sky as she bathed in the sunlight and her black hair wafted in the breeze.

"Do you remember the story of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight?"

The little boy used his fists to wipe his eyes and nodded his head.

"He remained chivalrous during his many trials. His virtue was only compromised once, but it was enough for him. He wore the green girdle as a reminder of his failure. Just like Gawain, you wore your scars as a reminder of your failures. His fellow knights absolved him of guilt and wore green sashes in recognition his trials. You have friends that even knowing what you have done follow you into the darkness. Let their light lead you back into the sun. We learn more from our failures than our triumphs."

**Because I feel that, in the Heavens above,**

**The angels, whispering to one another,**

**Can find, among their burning terms of love,**

**None so devotional as that of "Mother,"**

"How can you forgive me for letting you and so many others die?"

She shook her head and took hold of her son's chin and looked him firmly in the eye. He remembered how the action had always brokered no argument.

"What mother wouldn't trade her life for her child? He would have eventually killed you. I am thankful that you lived."

"But Janey…"

A sad smile darkened her features.

"My star's light was fading. You allowed her an escape before her light died. You protected her when I could not. I failed as a mother. I should be the one seeking forgiveness. It was my inaction that sent you down this path. Don't let my failings stop you from believing you can change it. I want you to live."

She pointed into the distance and he could see them a sea of people. Mordin, Thane, Legion, Jane, and many others stared back at him.

"You can focus on all the lives you have taken, or you can focus on the lives you've saved. Each face you do not recognize represents a life you have touched. They stand behind you urging you forward. It is only by living that you can honor the memory of the dead."

**Therefore by that dear name I long have called you—**

**You who are more than mother unto me,**

**And fill my heart of hearts, where Death installed you**

**My mother—my own mother, who died early,**

He rose to his feet and the man he'd become stood before his long dead mother.

"I finally remember the mother you were before...that night. I remember that I loved you, and I still do."

She smiled and hugged him fiercely.

"I love you too. Now live for us."

* * *

_**A/N: The poem is Edgar Allan Poe's To My Mother. It is amended for the purposes of this chapter. As you can tell I'm a bit of a literature buff...if you haven't read the story Gawain and the Green Knight, its a good read. You can watch the movies, but they tend to veer off from the story in typical fashion. The scene with his mother was originally written for a previous chapter. The scene with Jane replaced it, but I hold on to all my writings that don't make it to the final cut for this reason. Hope you are still enjoying the story. **_


	18. Chapter 18

**_A/N: Sorry for the long wait, but this part of the story was a little difficult to write. It has been through multiple iterations. Michael1110 pointed out Walter Hudson is a nod towards the creators of the game. Good catch. Anyway this is a very long chapter which is unusual for me. I wanted to push the story forward. The next chapter has already started taking shape, it started taking shape before this one was finished. The poem the Commander recites are from Invictus by William Ernest Henley..It was actually mentioned in the game and thought it might be nice to give the words a role in this chapter. _**

* * *

He stood upon the hill that looked down upon the ruins of the colony that had once been his home. He watched the flames erupt from the forest and engulf the colony. In an instant anything that was reminiscent of life was aflame. He stood still and unflinching as the flames surrounded him. He had nothing to fear, his mind was his own once more. His words rang out as if they were claps of thunder.

"Out of the night that covers me - Black as the pit from pole to pole - I thank whatever gods may be - For my unconquerable soul."

He could hear the voices as they rose into a crescendo above the roar of the flames.

"We are a part of you. You cannot destroy us without destroying yourself."

"I am not here to destroy. I am here to accept my guilt. I will not bow to it again. I will live with it, but I will not let it dictate my actions. My life and my heart are no longer my own."

The phantoms of his past would not be deterred. A single figure stepped from the flames –it was the swivel of her hips that gave away the figure's identity.

"Who would want such a vile black thing as that heart of yours?"

He lifted a hand as if to reach out to her, but stopped himself. He'd hurt her too many times. His worst crime against her had been Thessia. It wasn't enough that he'd failed to save her home. Once they returned to the Normandy he hadn't tried to console her. Instead he hid in his cabin far from her pain.

_I can't fight this battle alone._

He looked up towards the dark night sky and willed himself to find the one person he could always count on.

* * *

The med bay was quiet. Dr. Chakwas was sleeping one bed over. Liara sat dutifully by his side on the verge of sleep. She suddenly felt a familiar tickle in the back of her mind. Her first thought was that it was Athena, but it was too soon for her to actively seek out her mother's mind. There was only one other whose mind would be considered familiar. She looked over at the sleeping form of the doctor, _she would not approve_. She ignored the slight tinge of guilt and entered the meld.

The transition from reality to his mind was seamless. She noted the difference in his mind. Her previous visits she'd found it to be chaotic, but now there was a peace she'd never felt within him. She could see a scorched landscape as if the entire world had burned. She stopped to look over the wreckage and realized it had once been a forest. There was a growing sense of despair within him. She moved through the desolate landscape in the direction of the source. She could hear a voice she felt she should know. It reminded her of something she couldn't place. The cold hard edge sent a shiver down her spine.

As she walked through the scene his mind lay out before her she could see a hill in the distance upon which he stood with an Asari and moved in that direction. She could hear the voice of the Asari standing with him. She watched and listened with mixed emotions.

"You may be able to dispel the rest of them easily, but I refuse to let you mistreat me any further. I was the only one that never left you. I never lost faith even when you took my mother from me. I accepted that you loved Ashley. I moved forward. Only for you to rip open my healed wounds."

She watched as this other her walked around Shepard and whispered into his ear.

"I gave up my passion and took the mantle of Shadow Broker for you. I allowed you to debase me by demoting me from a friend to yet another resource on Hagalaz. I accepted all this without complaint or regret. Then you come to me and think a single night of passion and a child would erase all you've done to me. You took away my innocence leaving me with nothing but sorrow and loneliness. I never knew what I was missing in all those years in dusty old ruins. You took me away from all that and then it all disappeared with you. They were never my friends they were yours. I didn't have someone that loved me back. I had the memories of rejection. Images of seeing Ashley come to your cabin in the dead of night. Did you see my anguish at being cast aside? Tell me why I should want your heart, your love, or even your child."

The phantom looked over at Liara and a smile born of cruelty and malice curved upon its lips. It walked past the Commander and started walking quickly towards Liara.

"He is mine. I will not let you have him without a fight."

The shift from walking to running was instinctual rather than any real thought on her part. It was that same instinct that found her almost throwing a singularity at the figure. _Goddess, how could I be so thoughtless? This isn't real a singularity would appear in the medbay, not here. _

As she ran towards her nemesis - she shook her head at her impetuous behavior. Looking at the doppelganger's face she saw an image she'd seen in the mirror for two years. The tightly drawn lips and cold shards of ice that her eyes had become. Her intent to harm this entity was an act of self defense rather than offense. She didn't want to remember who she'd become while he was gone. It was a reminder of two of the longest years of her life. She had been alone on Illium dealing with the most loathsome dregs of every species. It was enough to make her start to doubt there was hope for any of them. Yet he was still the only thing that kept her going. The hope that he would be resurrected made the anguish worth it. They were almost within range of one another, when saw him look up and she could see a flicker of the fire within him.

"Enough."

His words echoed through the barren landscape and the wraith disappeared in a flash of light. Liara skidded to a stop. Her heartbeat within her ears, she thought she could hear the sound of the rushing rapids within her veins. Her rage wasn't lessened by the disappearance of her foe.

She strode towards the Commander with her hands balled into fists each step more deliberate than the last. She rapidly closed the gap between them. She tried in vain to subdue her rage, but it had been held back far too long. Seeing the ghost of her past was too much for her. She approached him and smacked him as hard as she could and the rage invoked words tumbled from her lips.

"I was not alone in my suffering. Do you think I am unaware of the toll your guilt took upon you as well? I was not blind to your pain. I may have been blind to your feelings towards me, but I did not miss much else. I know loneliness so intimately I could read it in your eyes. Each time I reached out you pushed me away. I will not allow it any longer. Goddess, have I not done enough? What more proof do you need that you are worth more to me alive than dead? Do you believe my life would have been better otherwise? I cannot deny your influence on my life. I would be in a dig site somewhere cowering while I watched the Galaxy crumble around me had I chosen another path. I may not be that innocent archaeologist you found and loved on Therum, but I am an Asari my mother would be proud to call her daughter. Would you cast me aside, because I have done what was necessary to save countless lives including your own?"

He looked at her his gaze unwavering, his jaw clenched. She could not read his expression, but his mind emanated anger. He stepped forward and grabbed her upper arms.

"I swear you are the most brilliant person I've met, yet sometimes you miss the obvious. I never wanted this for you, but that doesn't mean I wanted to change who you've become. I didn't love you because you were innocent. I love you because you have an inner strength I don't."

He turned away talking while gesturing with his hands. _He fights even himself. That is what made him into the only person capable of doing the impossible. I just hope he has enough fight in him to save my hopes of a family._

"People call me a hero, but I have been fueled by failure, revenge, and fear. Weakness…but you…your strong. You have been fueled by redemption, your sacrifices, hope, compassion, and love. You were stronger than I ever imagined. I know…I knew you would make good choices. The illusive man had the resources to do everything you did for him. You had the resources to fight this war from anywhere, but you returned to my side. Unlike him you were willing to put yourself in the line of fire."

He stood very still for a long time and looked up at the sky.

"I was weak and needed you with me. So I let you return. I selfishly took a moment in your arms. I gave you a child knowing I wouldn't be there for her. Don't get me wrong it was the best moment of my life and I don't regret having a child with you. They were both a testament to my selfishness. I was willing to allow my daughter the same agony I watched you endure of not knowing your own father. I am selfish and weak. I have nothing to offer you or my child. That wraith may say all the things I believe you to feel, but I could never cast you aside. I've selfishly proven that time and again. I dragged you along after Saren, I helped you become the Shadow Broker just to be by your side a little longer, and I brought you into the front lines of a war with the Reapers."

He shook his head.

"I'm not strong enough to let you go….the past is proof enough."

Liara slowly approached him and placed a hand on his shoulder to turn him around. When they were face to face she pulled him close and placed their foreheads against one another.

"You cannot take what was freely offered, I believe the correct term is that you accepted a night with me. I can say in all honesty that no one has spoken so eloquently of me. It is not selfish to give someone the child they requested. It is the most selfless act to give someone such an intimate part of yourself. I would like to offer you everything I am for the rest of your lifetime."

She closed her eyes and conjured the memory of that day long ago. It was just the two of them on the SR-1 in the storage room behind the med bay. She always loved the way his old uniform made his shoulders more prominent. She felt oddly comfortable in her old white and green uniform. It was a memory of a time when she didn't need to constantly wear her armor.

"Shepard, I feel a connection between us and I thought you might feel it too."

She could feel his hesitation, the old fears holding him back. Her heart sank.

"Liara….I…"

_Why am I not enough? Either he wants to be with me or he…does not. _Just thinking the words broke her heart.

"I don't think we have a connection."

_Goddess, please do not do this to me. Not again._

"I think we have a bond. One that nothing will severe, I offer you everything. My heart and soul are all I have left to offer. Will you accept that?"

She could sense the fear of rejection within his mind. Her euphoria at his acceptance of her love drowned it out.

"I could not think of anything more valuable."

He took her into his arms and kissed her. She melted into the embrace. She found the one thing she'd lacked her entire life, the feeling that she was not alone.

* * *

Walter Hudson paced relentlessly through the command center. _That fucking Asari bitch won't beat me. She's nothing. She's just another fucking whore that thinks she so fucking superior. She wouldn't even be where she is today without a human, without Cerberus._

He focused on his second in command the woman was efficient if nothing else. What she lacked in imagination was made up for in her patience. She was good at waiting out her opponents.

"Lissette, come with me. Michaels transmit the requested data to the Normandy, remove Lisette's name from the records, substitute Aarti Patel's name as second in command, and instruct the staff that Lisette has left the facility. They are to make no mention of her to the Alliance crew. The two humans left the command center and walked down the corridor.

"I want you to get whatever supplies you will need for my final orders. You will need to plan for a lengthy stay, there's no way to tell how long it will take for you to complete your mission. Once you get everything you need leave the facility via the main exit. I need you to enter the ventilation system externally in order to ensure complete secrecy."

The woman's steps didn't falter and her eyes didn't waver as she listened to his instructions.

"What are your orders?"

"Kill Liara T'Soni. Once your task is done you can do whatever you desire. I would hope you will disappear into the galaxy and restart our illustrious organization."

He stopped and turned to face her.

"However, I am aware not many of those in our organization are as devoted as I am. If you kill the Asari you will have fulfilled your duty to Cerberus and humanity."

"What does killing the Asari gain humanity?"

He knew the woman well enough to know she wasn't questioning his decision. It was how she learned. She was making the connection between the order and its relevance to the greater scheme of things.

"She is the Shadow Broker. We kill her and that power falls into the hands of the Alliance. Humanity will have the most powerful information network in the Galaxy. The Alliance gave birth to Cerberus and I hope it will do so once more."

He turned and began walking again. She fell into step beside him.

"We could still indoctrinate the crew."

He shook his head.

"The procedure requires introduction through the blood stream. I considered every option the nanites weren't designed for ingestion or inhalation. We also have to consider the possibility that they have instituted countermeasures. Killing the Asari will help humanity and give us a modicum of revenge for her thwarting our plans for the Commander."

"Why not just let him die?"

He stopped again. _She would be perfect if she had a mind capable of figuring these things out on her own. What I would give for Miranda Lawson. She was insufferable in her self confidence, but at least I didn't have to explain everything._

"Lisette. Commander Shepard is a symbol of humanity's superiority. We kill him and even humanity would turn against Cerberus. There would be no hope of our organization's survival. Alive he helps our cause. Dead by our hand or inaction and we couldn't recruit an addict with the promise of payment in Red Sand. No, if he dies it can't be our doing."

"What about you, Sir?"

His laugh was bitter.

"Jennifer Keller is my undoing. She is the most powerful human biotic ever created. I should know I created her. She will kill me for it. I have no future. You have your orders, be quick about it. The Normandy will be here in the next twenty minutes."

He watched the woman walk away. _My dear Lisette, I'm sorry. You will not live beyond your mission. Once you kill her either you will be found and killed, or he will come after you personally. He is nothing if not predictable. He doesn't need a reason, but he accepts any excuse to kill. If you were capable of connecting the dots yourself you might have refused my final order. However I chose you because you were efficient, not because you were smart._

Walter Hudson headed to his office to put his affairs in order. It was the only perk to knowing your demise was at hand.

* * *

Garrus was in the gun battery working on swapping out a sniper rifle mod in preparation for their arrival at the Cerberus base. He heard the familiar sound of someone entering and glanced up to see Ashley.

"So you finally decided your rifle might be useful if you let me calibrate it?"

Her smile was easy as she leaned against the wall.

"Why would I do that, then I would be as lousy a shot as you are."

"Are you still bitter over that shot on Horizon?"

The human shook her head.

"It was a lucky shot, if they hadn't been mindless husks they wouldn't have lined up for you to take that shot. Anyway this isn't a social call."

Garrus straightened and took in her serious expression.

"What's up?"

"As the acting Commander I need you to handle a morale issue for me."

"From what I saw on Earth you don't need help in that department."

"Yeah well I don't have much history with Jack. I need you to talk to her."

She straightened and waved a hand for him to follow. They walked casually through the ship towards the elevator.

"What did jack do? If she's throwing shockwaves at Grunt, that's just their way of preparing for battle."

The woman shook her head both in the negative and in response to the odd way other species prepared for a fight.

"No, that I would let stand. I wish it was that simple. She's agitated. I think it has to do with seeing that guy she calls Uncle Walt. Her behavior is making people nervous. It's bad enough we may have to fight our way through a facility, without the Commander. I can't have her throwing everyone off their game because they think she's unstable."

They entered the elevator and it took them further into the bowels of the ship.

_I don't think we can blame her. It was like seeing Sidonis again after Omega. I would have preferred to have killed him with my bare talons than put a bullet through his head. He deserved to suffer._

"You can count on Jack. She's just got that killer instinct. I don't think it's anything to worry about."

She nodded in response.

The elevator doors opened and they pushed their way through the crowd of biotic students and Garrus got his first glimpse of the human biotic.

Jack was pacing in the shuttle bay in a biotic glow as the Marines around her prepared for battle casting wary glances in her direction. Even her students were giving her a wide birth. The convict was loose and they had never witnessed her savage side.

Garrus stood back and watched the predatory stalk of the slender woman that had everyone on edge. He looked over at the faces of the students and felt the tingle of her biotics flowing throughout the bay.

_They're too young to have seen battle. How many of them now bare battle scars? _

He'd seen enough fear in their eyes to know what he had to do.

_She's their anchor, they think she's losing her shit and they will follow suit._

He squared his shoulder and sauntered forward until he was blocking her path, the woman halted in front of him.

"Garrus unless you want another scar now's not the time to fuck with me."

He managed the Turian version of a smile and lazily replied.

"Hey these scars landed me a sexy Quarian a few more might nab me the Pirate Queen of Omega."

He saw the flicker of jocularity die in her eyes as quickly as it lit. _She's like a varren with a leg she won't give it up._

"Jack, you're scarring the kids."

He cocked his head towards the biotic students. She looked over and she let go of the nervous energy and her biotics died down. He could see her regaining some self control. He could still see death in her eyes, but he would take what he could get. She motioned for him to follow her to the far side of the bay where they could talk privately. She stood with her back to the others in the hold.

"I just…You see what those Cerberus fuckers did to me?"

She looked up and for the first time he realized she was on the verge of tears. He had to keep the shock from his face. It took a colossal effort.

"Those kids are my family and I can't see them. I can't see past that fucker's face. Maybe Miranda was right….maybe I was a mistake."

_I've been a disappointment to my father and my superior officers, but no one ever called me a mistake. It was the Commander that believed in her. He made us all believe in her and it paid off. I can do this for him. I can give her the encouragement he gave me time and again._

"Jack, Miranda was full of shit. She said you were a mistake for Cerberus. Any human that didn't believe in their cause or couldn't be controlled by them was a mistake. Hell they thought the Commander was a mistake. Do you think he's a mistake or that those kids over there would agree with Miranda?"

The human biotic was the most vulnerable he'd ever seen her. _She trusts me enough to let me see it. _He found himself reveling in the feeling of being trusted by someone that had been so mistreated.

"No matter what happens you get to kill him. Will that be enough to make up for what he's done to you?"

She looked up with a strange look upon her face. She shook her head.

"No. I'm not doing this for me. I'm doing it for all the ones that they killed to make me into a killer. It will allow me to lay them to rest. I don't need revenge…I've got a family and friends. I got back everything they stole. The kids in that morgue on Pragia lost everything. They won't get the chance to regain their lives. I owe them this in return for all I have gained."

He smiled.

"Damn right. Now let's make sure we treat Mr. Hudson to some old fashioned Archangel justice."

The two walked back towards the gathering of students that had been watching them. Garrus put an arm around Jack's shoulders.

"You realize that name is fucking ridiculously lame."

"Yeah well we can't all be the psychotic biotic. Think you could have done better?"

"Deadeye, Double tap, Head shot, or hell even the Guardian would have been a better name."

He couldn't suppress the chuckle.

"Well maybe I'll change it when I write my memoirs."

"I didn't think you could write your name let alone a fucking memoir."

"Well there's your problem right there, human's shouldn't think it hurts you're little brains."

"Yeah, Yeah, just don't forget to pay me my fucking royalties. "

"Jack I may show suicidal tendencies following Shepard around all these years, but crossing you is just plain suicide."

Jack elbowed the Turian.

"Damn right."

Garrus stopped and watched her take charge of her students preparing them for a fight. He smiled as he looked over at Ashley. She nodded slightly and started to check on the Marines in the bay. _She's come a long way since Eden Prime..._

He entered the elevator to return to his own preparations.


	19. Chapter 19

**_A/N: So the next chapter is already written, but I'm holding on to it for a little bit. I may tweak it a little, or it will remain untouched. I am undecided at the moment. I focused on the details a little more than usual because the image of how this happened was pretty clear in my mind. I can only hope it came across the way I intended. Thank you all once again._**

* * *

Liara felt his hands on the soft curves of her body. His mouth moved over the folds upon her neck as he found the zipper to her jumpsuit. She gripped his shoulders trying to focus on why she couldn't let this continue. Each time she thought she remembered he would find a sensitive spot and all thought would become overwhelmed by the pleasure he created. She wanted to get lost in him, but there was a reason she couldn't. She had to focus. She weaved her hands into his lush black hair and pulled his head back.

"We cannot get caught up in this moment."

She sensed fear within him. A fear that she had changed her mind, she sought to ease his fears.

"You are not well enough for this, you must be patient."

"I feel fine."

She smiled at him.

"I am sure you do. However I know your condition far better than you."

She closed her eyes and passed him her memories of the events following his ascent to the Citadel to the moment she entered the meld. She opened her eyes and searched his for any signs of disapproval.

"Liara, you did what was necessary. I'm not going to stop wanting you."

She felt as if everything before had been a shadow of being alive. He changed everything by accepting her for who she had become. She finally felt the sensation of being loved by this man, it was perfection. It would take time for the doubts to die, but she was patient.

"I must go, but I will be there when you wake."

He smiled that lopsided grin she remembered. _I haven't seen that smile since….when was it. He's been distant for so long. Can I truly not remember the last time he smiled like that?_

"I have no doubt that you will be there for me…you've come whenever I needed you."

She shook her head and sadness crept into her features.

"I didn't come when you needed me on Illium."

He kissed her gently.

"I think it's time to let it go. It doesn't matter. I pushed you away more than once. If we were to compare…"

He gave her a meaningful look. She smiled and nodded.

"I wish I could stay."

He shook his head.

"I'd rather you go and we finish this when I'm awake."

She took another kiss and then allowed herself to exit the meld. She found Dr. Chakwas standing in front of her a single eyebrow raised. Liara stood up.

"You can chastise me later, for now we should prepare him for transport."

The doctor let out a chuckle.

"I'm not going to chastise you. It just explains the state of my patient."

Liara turned to the doctor alarmed.

"What happened?"

The doctor pointed to the Commander's body where a prominent erection lifted the sheet. Liara remembered the implications from her studies on human relationships. A dark blush washed over her face.

"It was not my intention….we should go about the preparations."

"Liara, it's perfectly natural. If I were a decade or two younger you would have some real competition for his affections."

Liara fixed the doctor with a glare.

"Oh that look makes the statement worth it. I just need you to place him in the environmental gurney."

The doctor stepped back as Liara used her biotics to move the Commander. Once he was safely within they closed the lid and checked the seals and made sure he was still stable. They started the trek to the shuttle bay to await the order to disembark.

* * *

Grunt was disappointed. _Those damn cowards won't fight. How Shepard came from such a weak race I will never know. They should ask him to teach them what it means to be a warrior._

He cradled his shotgun and glared at the human soldier. _She's good I'll give her that, but she's no Shepard. He would have sent us in first. The sight of a Krogan often inspires fear. _

"Grunt, I want nothing more than to go in there guns blazing. We have to put that aside for the Commander. You know it's the right call. The Geth will secure the facility and check for any nasty surprises. We use our brains…if that fails then we use our weapons."

The smile that spread across her face was filled with the promise of violence.

_I like this human. The restraint isn't a weakness, but an advantage. Is that where the Krogan failed? Had we learned restraint would we have been able to triumph instead of wither? Humans aren't as weak as I thought. They temper their violence with intellect._

The shuttle landed and they filed out into a cargo bay designed to accommodate dozens of shuttles. He could see the bay bore the Alliance emblem and the staff stood in typical military formation. It reminded him of the human woman's description of the Cerberus Headquarters shuttle bay.

The human spoke softly.

"It's brilliant really. Anyone brought here would assume it was an Alliance facility. Once they found out the truth it would be too late. If Liara's right then this was to be the triage area, behind it were the medical wards. Anyone that went beyond would run into the security command center designed to keep them from the heart of the facility."

She shook her head at the effort they put into their plans.

"The geth have accounted for all 543 members of the staff. Keep your eyes open these fuckers are slippery."

Grunt nodded. He hated subterfuge, but was learning its value. The human spoke into her comm. unit.

"Cortez, we are all clear. Go back and retrieve the Commander."

She strode forward and he followed. He looked over the humans congregated before them. A single human stepped forward and he aimed his shotgun at the man. He could hear Garrus pulling his rifle from his pack. The tension rose as the man lifted his hands in the human sign of surrender. He felt the familiar feel of Jack's biotics behind him. He could feel the power ramp up as her five students followed their teacher's lead.

_She's a good teacher._ _That is the Pjack she hates. I would kill him and offer his corpse as a gift, but that is her right. I am her krant, I will honor her by leaving his life in her hands._

"Commander Williams, I merely wished to welcome you to our facility. Where is the patient that needs our assistance? I can recommend several of my best doctors for his care."

She ignored his statement.

"We have selected fifteen doctors and nurses for his care. They will be interviewed before they are allowed near the Commander. The remaining members of your staff will be escorted to the mess hall to be held under armed guard. You Mr. Hudson will wait here until Jack is ready for you."

Grunt giggled at the look of fear as the man focused his attention over the Krogan's shoulder.

Williams turned to the Geth standing next to the man.

"Are any of them armed?"

"Negative. All weapons within the facility have been deactivated."

She nodded.

"Begin moving them to the mess hall."

"Affirmative."

The Geth began filing the prisoners out of the bay. She then nodded towards the squad and they stood across from one another forming two columns with the exception of the Prothean. He watched as Javik approached each of the fifteen people chosen and grabbed hold of their arms. When he was finished he returned and stood at the end of the column.

"They have no intention to harm the Commander. There is more, but we must speak of it later."

Ashley nodded and they stood to await the arrival of the Shuttle.

* * *

Hudson stood staring at the crew of the Normandy. They hadn't moved or acknowledged the presence of him or the other fifteen humans since their initial arrival. The Geth remained ever vigilant watching them as the honor guard stood awaiting their Commander.

_What did that creature do to the doctors? They look disturbed. What did he mean there's more? _

He felt a trickle of sweat slide down his back. It sent a shiver up his spine.

_It's not important. Where is the Asari? She must come. She cannot evade our wrath. _

He watched the shuttle land, the door slide open and two marines jumped out flanking the doors. They were followed by four Geth units. Two units stood on one side of the door and two on the other. He watched as the environmental hover gurney slowly slid out of the darkness of the shuttle. The four Geth units moved forward with the gurney and two more figures exited the shuttle. He recognized one as the Normandy's doctor and the other the object of his scorn. He released the breath he was holding. It took a great effort to hide the smile that wanted to form.

The first six members of the column turned and started walking towards the exit to the medical facilities. The gurney moved behind them with the two Geth on each side. Drs. T'Soni and Chakwas followed behind the gurney. The remaining six gathered the chosen doctors and began escorting them behind the group that had left. He was left alone with two Geth and the two marines guarding the shuttle.

He refused to think of Jennifer and the look in her eyes. Instead he focused on Lissette and her mission. He wished he could see the Asari's smug face broken by a sniper's bullet. _I could die happy with her brains splattered across my boots."_

This time he allowed a smile to play upon his lips.

* * *

Lissette had set up in the corridor leading to the operating rooms. She looked through the scope and waited. She'd planned carefully for this mission. She was fully cloaked and wouldn't be seen if anyone happened to look towards the vent. She had a portable kinetic barrier generator that she would activate once she took the shot. Any return fire would be neutralized giving her plenty of time to escape.

She watched as Geth units secured the facility and patiently waited for her quarry. Some time passed before she witnessed the Geth moving her fellow operatives through the corridor towards whatever detention area they'd chosen. She felt anger towards the machines. They'd destroyed her family on Eden Prime and the Commander had become their ally. He betrayed them all, she wanted to kill him. She reminded herself that was not her mission. The waiting reminded her of her father. It was just like when she hunted with her father. He'd taught her the importance of waiting for the right moment. A hunter with a hair trigger often spooked their prey. A hunter that waited too long often missed their chance. The key was to wait for your moment, when the heart was in your crosshairs, not a moment sooner.

She watched as a group of soldiers entered the corridor. She could see two Asari in the corridor and lifted the sniper rifle a little to look over the faces. The one on the left was not her target. She shifted the focus, but the human woman blocked a clear shot. The soldiers stopped beyond the entrance of the first room. They turned around and watched as the gurney entered a room on the right followed by the target. They all stood waiting for the doctors to enter and then followed leaving the corridor clear. The Asari would have to leave sooner or later. She could wait. If she couldn't kill the Commander she would at least take away one of his closest friends. The Asari's life for her mother's, it wasn't a fair trade. It was a start. She would escape and then hunt them all down one by one. She would take away everyone he cared about until he was alone. Just like her.


	20. Chapter 20

**_A/N: Okay so let me start by saying I had an entire chapter written last weekend, but I didn't care for it. I did a total rewrite and feel better about it. I still don't like it as much as I should, but I accept that it's a bridge chapter...I never like bridge chapters. So please forgive me for this one not being quite up to snuff. _**

* * *

Karin Chakwas was if nothing else a professional. She didn't want to work with the Cerberus doctors, but she had to concede it was necessary. She was far superior when it came to combat medicine, but he needed specialists. _I'd like to see them try to perform surgery during space combat. _She followed the Geth into the decontamination chamber and waited until the VI indicated it was safe to continue. Liara stopped in front of the clone and stared as a faint glow emanated around her. Chakwas placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Now is not the time to dwell on such things. There is still much to do."

Her features remained grim, but she turned away and set about assisting the doctor with releasing the seals on the gurney. The Cerberus staff began entering as Liara lifted the body onto the operating table. She noticed that the Geth stepped back and continued to guard the Commander. Liara found an out of the way spot and leaned against the wall.

As the Cerberus medical staff filtered in she set up another set of scans to run. She hoped there was no deterioration of function. .She looked over the scans and shook her head. She noticed that a diminutive man with a receding hair line was staring suspiciously at the Asari. Karin rolled her eyes and confronted the situation head on.

"Is there a problem, Dr…she looked over at Liara for his name.

"Hasslett, he is among the foremost experts on human neurology with a sub specialty in traumatic brain injury. His problem is that I am an Asari. His daughter Mia Hasslett had an unfortunate encounter with an Ardat Yakshi. He has a distrust of all Asari."

The man was taken aback by Liara's comments.

"My daughter has nothing to do with it. I don't believe your doctorate is in medicine.A Prothean expert has no place in an operating room. Especially since the patient is human."

Dr. Chakwas allowed the tight rein on her emotions to slip. She poked the man with her index finger as she spoke.

"I'm tired of Cerberus' bullshit. It is an organization borne out of paranoia and xenophobia. Why must the transgressions of individuals be espoused as the doings of an entire species? Or are humans too fucking special that we don't have individuals that make mistakes. I'll have you know that every human on the Normandy would trust this Asari over any one of you."

Her finger curled into her fist and she was punching the man's shoulder as she drove him back until he back was pressed firmly against the wall.

"Do you believe humanity will look past Cerberus involvement in delaying this war? Have you considered that there will be a price to pay for Benning and Horizon? It wasn't the aliens that endangered our species; it was the people that claimed they were dedicated to our advancement. Cerberus almost allowed the Reapers to win out of arrogance and self promotion. Humanity will call for justice. You will have to answer for those crimes regardless of your personal involvement. I think it's time you stop worrying about Turians, Salarians, and Asari. Fear your own species because after the atrocities committed in the name of humanity we will call for your heads, on pike or platter it does not matter. Remember that before you speak again, now do your damn job."

Any indignation Dr. Hasslett may have experienced was swallowed by the fear her words inspired. She caught a glimpse of the Asari's smile. _Maybe Joker was right…he makes us all a little crazy. _

She turned to the rest of the staff. Her façade of calm patience back in place she focused on the task at hand.

"Now, we will break up into three teams. Team one will be in charge of extracting the necessary organs from the clone, team two will be responsible for keeping him stable, and the final team will be on transplant duty. Any questions?"

She looked around and found looks of silent agreement.

"Very good."

She started breaking them up into teams under Liara's quiet gaze.

* * *

Ashley was disturbed by the room's design. The operating room was set up to allow the observation of the procedures performed on the Commander. She had no doubt this room was created specifically with him in mind. The clone had already been in the room when the Geth secured the facility. She felt the Prothean's gaze and turned to address him.

"What did you want to discuss."

"Something is not right."

"Can you be more specific?"

"The doctors were advised not to mention someone named, Lissette. Then there is the feeling of…apprehension I sensed from the remaining staff."

She looked down deep in thought for a moment.

"Tali, was there anyone named Lissette in the personnel records we received from Cerberus?"

The Quarian consulted her omni tool for a few moments and then shook her head.

"There was no one by that name."

The Prothean broke in before Ashley had time to think.

"Do you want me to see what I can find out from the human that ran this facility?"

Ashley shook her head.

"No, let him believe we don't suspect anything. I want him to believe everything is proceeding as he planned. Let's try to find out on our own first. We need more information, take Samara and check the crew quarters see if you they were sloppy. Garrus I want you and Tali to access their records and see what you can find. If they doctored the records maybe the two of you can find a trail leading back to this Lissette person. We find out who she is and we should be able to figure out their plan."

They nodded and left. She looked through the window and witnessed Doctor Chakwas' assault on one of the assisting doctors. Her thoughts were too steeped in her own concerns to worry about what was going on in the operating room.

_We each have a job to do, she can handle the doctors. _A smile briefly stretched upon her face. _And what she can't handle I'm sure Liara will be more than capable of resolving._

She approached Jack.

"I need you to go play with Mr. Hudson."

The smile on the woman's face sent a chill up Ashley's spine. _I would hate to be on the wrong side of this woman._

"Just don't kill him. We think Cerberus is up to something. We might need him later. Don't interrogate him, just have your fun and report back anything he says. He may slip up between the pain and fear."

Jack nodded and headed out. Grunt started to follow.

"Where are you going?"

"She is my Krant. It is my responsibility to make sure he suffers. I will ensure he lives long enough to wish he were dead. He doesn't deserve a quick death…hehe…too bad he isn't a Krogan. Then it might be more interesting."

Ashley nodded and the Krogan left. She looked down at the floor trying to think of what Cerberus might have in mind for her Commander.

She looked up to see the students gathered around the observation window. _They aren't kids anymore, now their soldiers. I shudder to think of the things they've seen. I don't want them seeing him...so vulnerable. He's earned his privacy._

"Ensign Prangley."

He approached and saluted.

"Yes, Ma'am."

"Take the other students and search the facility. I want all of you to stay together and be on your guard. Avoid the mess hall and shuttle bay."

"Aye, Aye."

He saluted again, gathered the other students, and left. Ashley said a silent prayer. _The weight of their lives is on the shoulders of a soldier that lost her entire unit. _She pushed away the doubts and reminded herself that she got them all this far. She looked up to find Liara staring at her. She squared her shoulders and took the reassurance the gaze provided. _I don't carry that weight alone._


	21. Chapter 21

**_A/N: This chapter should have been done two days ago. It just wasn't working out. Hope you enjoy and I apologize _**

Liara had nodded off while standing. It wasn't uncommon, her role as Shadow Broker proved there was more data than time. She had learned the skill of sleeping while standing. It was the soft tone of Dr. Chakwas voice that awoke her.

"Liara, might I suggest you get some rest. You look a little haggard."

She shook her head to clear away the drowsiness.

"I am fine. Thank you for your concern."

A single grey eyebrow lifted.

"As your physician I must insist you get some sleep."

"I will not leave until your work is done."

She knew Karin heard the resolve within her voice. She had learned the art of vocal inflection from an early age, but only as the shadow broker had she gained true mastery.

"If you insist we can close him up right now and continue at another time."

Her eyes never strayed from her work as she let the words fall from her lips. Liara's face remained a mask of indifference as she straightened and turned on her heels leaving the room. _She is right. I must take better care of myself._

She entered the observation room to find Jack curled into a ball sleeping in one of the chairs. She took note of the small flecks of blood upon her knuckles. She continued her trek towards the door where she witnessed a procession of Cerberus staff being escorted by the Geth. She gently touched Ashley's arm.

"Where are they taking them?"

The human soldier looked oddly tense.

"The Geth are taking them to Earth to assist in search and rescue efforts. We have a security risk and I don't want any of them getting any ideas."

The woman's words troubled her.

"What security risk?"

"Javik found out from the Docs that someone is missing. They were told not to mention someone named Lissette. I have Garrus and Tali trying to retrieve the data from the records here in the facility. Jack had her fun with Hudson, but he didn't let anything slip. Javik and Samara are checked the crew quarters and found nothing."

Liara felt fear claw into her heart. She looked back towards the operating room. _Sleep can wait until we have found this threat._

"Where were you heading?"

"Dr. Chakwas has insisted I get some sleep. I was going to use the biobed in the next room."

Ashley nodded.

"I"ll have Grunt escort you and guard the door. I'm not taking any chances. We also have a ship full of Alliance personnel incoming to set up for full scale operation of this facility."

"It can wait. Was Javik unsuccessful with Mr. Hudson?"

"No, we are trying to get the intel without alerting him to our suspicions. I'm sure you saw the reports. Cerberus operatives have a number of…unpleasant counter interrogation measures."

Liara acknowledged the information with a slow nod.

"Have you considered sedating him? It would allow Javik to read him while he believes himself to be dreaming."

The human's look said it all. _Why must she doubt her intellect just because someone thought of something she did not?_

"Do you always have to be the smartest person in the room?"

"As I recall it was you that suggested we use a Cerberus radio to trick them into sending the tram back. If one person could do it all, none of us would be here now."

Ashley lightly pushed the Asari as she smiled.

"Know it all."

The human turned to the Krogan that was staring into the other room.

"Grunt, escort Liara and stand guard at the door."

He nodded and headed for the door.

"I am sure it is not necessary. I will assist you with this security situation."

"I've got this, you get some sleep. I'm not taking any chances with Cerberus, so Grunt is going to stand guard while you rest."

Liara knew better than to argue with the logic. She followed the Krogan.

* * *

The Krogan had made it impossible for her to get a clear shot. The Asari was alone and it presented the perfect opportunity to complete her mission. She heard the voices of the Alliance soldiers that had been patrolling the facility as she moved through the shaft.

"Do you think the Commander's daughter will look like him?"

"Don't be an idiot the kid's going to be an Asari. There's no way she will look like him."

"Actually the Asari examine the DNA structures of their partners and utilize it in the reproduction process. Their children often have similar features as their non Asari parents. There's a good chance she will look a lot like the Commander."

_The Asari is pregnant with his child…I may not be able to kill the man, but I can kill his legacy._

Her pace quickened as she contemplated how to complete her task. _A bullet would be efficient, but maybe this calls for something more personal. No, I cannot risk failure._

* * *

Ashley stood over the cowering man. He lifted a hand to try to block her from striking him.

"I'm not one for torture. I'm just here to patch you up."

She could see the glimmer of relief within his eyes.

"Why even bother?"

His head rolled off to the side. His eyes became unfocused. Ashley injected him with a sedative and started the process of dressing his wounds. She ignored the question.

"Her name will go down in history because of what I've done. So why does she hate me?"

Her face revealed no emotions as she spoke.

"Actually, history will never know her name. She doesn't even know her own name. You took that from her remember?"

His eyes closed as he whispered.

"It was a fair trade…"

His head dropped until his chin was resting on his chest. Ashley stepped back.

"Okay Javik."

She watched the Prothean touch the human. She waited patiently. Her attention was drawn towards the door as Tali and Garrus came running in.

"Ashley…Her name's not Lissette. It's Elisabeth Vertucci, the Butcher of Torfan."

Ashley shook her head.

"She's dead."

The Quarian handed her a datapad.

"No she's not. Garrus and I completed a facial reconstruction of Lissette based on the parameters used to delete her image from the video record. Then we ran the reconstruction through the Cerberus HQ database. It returned an encrypted file. Her body was severely burned and had to be identified through biometric scans. According to the file Cerberus replaced the body with another corpse before her burial. They initiated Project Phoenix. It was a precursor to Lazarus. In the end the control chip caused some unfortunate side effects. They opted not to use chip on the Commander as a result."

"So she's not dangerous?"

Garrus broke into the conversation.

"She's more dangerous now. They enhanced her biotics and she will follow Cerberus orders without question. The only problem with the control chip was that it impaired her cognitive abilities. Her skill in battle wasn't affected. The neurological damage caused her to be unable to form relationships with others and impaired her ability to think in the abstract."

Ashley shook her head and Tali took over.

"Ask her to kill a Quarian Admiral and she can understand the impact on the Admiral and their family. Ask her what the impact is on Quarian society and she can't tell you."

"Great, what the fuck is she up to?"

Javik answered.

"She is tasked with killing the Asari. She is in the ventilation system. Cerberus wants humanity to have the Shadow Broker network."

"Fuck me."

She started running.

* * *

She quietly slipped out of the vent. The Asari was sleeping with her back to the room. She deftly moved over to the door. She initiated the lock and then overloaded the mechanism to allow sufficient time to escape.

She pulled her pistol and pointed it squarely at the Asari's head. She felt her hand tighten around the pistol as she slowly pulled the trigger. She didn't want to rush it.


	22. Chapter 22

_**A/N: So first let me say I apologize for the cliffhanger. It wasn't intentional. I wrote the chapter and where it ended was where the writer's block started. Hence it's been two weeks since the following Chapter came together. I have mentioned before that fighting sequences are one of my weak points. I can only get better through practice so thank you for sticking with me through it. Secondly I just want to let you all know I am considering leaving my laptop behind while I go visit my family in Connecticut next week. So I may not have an update for another two weeks. If any of you are following Shades, I will try to update that story as well before I leave Friday.**_

* * *

The facility had been designed with six operating areas not including the operating theater. The remaining rooms were designed to accommodate two patients comfortably, but with enough room for at least another two beds if necessary. A few years ago she would have thought herself paranoid. Now, she considered it preparation. She rearranged the room to remove any obstructions to her line of sight. _Goddess, Liara this isn't Illium. You have people watching out for you. People that care for you. They aren't doing this because they were paid or hope to gain her favor. Trust them to keep you safe._ She lay down facing the door. She forced herself to trust her friends and shifted her position until she was comfortable. Ignoring her inclination to keep her back to the wall she allowed herself to relax to put her faith in her friends.

Two years living on Illium had honed her instincts and they told her to wake up. She opened her eyes, but remained still, listening carefully. One of the many lessons learned aboard the Normandy was a soldier relied upon the sounds of the battlefield. Whether it was the sound of the enemy reloading, or the tension of a trigger spring, recognizing those sounds saved your life. It was the latter sound that spurred her into action.

In one fluid motion she rolled forward off the bed just as the sound of a shot resonated through the room. She hit the floor and pivoted using her biotics to toss the bed in the direction of the shot. Reaching for her pistol she prepared to open fire. She heard the sound of a N7 Fury phasing though an object. The woman reappeared in front of the haphazardly strewn bed and Liara opened fire. The woman's kinetic barrier deflected the projectiles and the woman phased once more. _Of course she would have N7 training, what is it with Cerberus and former Alliance N7 soldiers?_

She was exposed and started to sprint towards the other bed. A shot grazed her and she stumbled into cover. The Asari only paused a moment before firing back in the direction of the gun fire. She heard the woman phase once again and stood up scanning the room for her reappearance. She felt the crackle of dark energy behind her and dropped to the ground performing a sweeping kick and the woman went down hard enough for her pistol to fall from her hand. Liara rose to her feet and used her biotics to push the weapon out of the woman's radius as she aimed her pistol. The woman kicked the Asari in the left knee causing her to buckle; it was enough to throw off her aim. Instead of a lethal shot it merely nicked the woman's ear. The Asari fell awkwardly onto her injured knee sending an excruciatingly painful reverberation through her leg. The human kicked the Asari in the chin causing her to fall backwards.

She was disorientated for a moment, but that's all the time the human needed to leap on top of the Asari . Liara opened her eyes to find hands around her neck cutting off the air. She realized she must have dropped the pistol. She felt weak and knew the assassin had activated an annihilation field. She moved her hands over the human's face, she placed her thumbs over the human's eyes and applied pressure. She could barely hear the words the woman whispered over the beating of her heart.

"Just let go…you aren't strong enough to defeat me. It doesn't have to hurt."

She heard the Commander's words pass through her mind.

_The key is winning any battle is to play to your strengths._

Liara realized the human was ignoring the pain so she channeled her dark energy towards the woman. Her biotics pushed the woman upward. The human was slammed into the ceiling. She saw the pain in the woman's eyes as gravity took hold and she fell back towards her. The Asari used a combination of pull and push to slingshot the woman against the far wall of the room. The woman crashed into a bevy of medical equipment. She appeared to be dazed and Liara slowly got to her feet and limped towards her quarry. She lifted the woman off the ground and slammed her into the wall on her right. The human looked defeated for only a moment, before she tossed a dark channel and disappearing once again. She turned around in time to feel a fist connect with her right eye. She quickly found her balance and started to send a singularity when she felt a rush of dark energy. The resulting biotic explosion threw her back against the medical equipment. She looked down to realize her armor was compromised. She quickly lifted a barrier and charged the woman.

She connected with a right cross and followed up by grabbing he woman's head. She pulled down on her head as she brought up her injured knee and felt the satisfying yet painful vibration of bone on cartilage. The woman fell backwards and Liara pressed the attack only to be stopped by an excruciating pain in her abdomen. She took a quick look down to see the woman had stabbed her. She pushed past the pain; she grabbed the woman by the neck and threw her against the wall. She wrenched the knife free and sheathed it into the human's neck. She watched the woman's face contort into a mix of pain and surprise. The Asari placed a hand to her own wound applying pressure. She felt light headed, but forced herself to remain conscious. She backed away from the woman towards the medigel dispenser. She moved slowly keeping her eyes on the woman as she struggled to breathe. She needed to stop the bleeding. She collapsed before she reached it.

* * *

Ashley found Grunt slamming himself into the door trying to break it down to no avail. She noted Jack leaning against the wall her arms crossed.

"What the hell's going on? We heard shots."

Jack stepped forward as Grunt ignored the question and continued the futile efforts to break down the door.

"Someone's in there with her. I tried using my biotics on the door, but they seem to have built in biotic damping tech."

Ashley felt her stomach drop as her mind raced.

"Garrus get in the vents and see if you can make your way into the room. Tali get the damn door open."

The turian ran into the next room as the Quarian set to work on the door as the Krogan continued to pound on the door. Ashley reached out a hand and he looked over at her. She shook her head, he looked lost. His eyes glazed over and her stepped back.

"She overloaded the controls. I have to reroute the circuit before I can open the door. It should only take a minute or two."

Ashley heard Garrus in the comm. unit.

"Damn vents are a maze. The rooms don't seem to have a direct connection."

She didn't even think as she explained. She'd become used to having to explain human customs and behaviors to her Alien friends.

"It's standard protocol for human medical facilities. In case of communicable diseases each room can be quarantined."

Ashley listened to the struggle within the room.

"She seems to be holding her own, but we need to get in there. Tali..."

"It won't get done any faster with you yelling at me."

Ashley's voice was a soft whisper.

"Sorry. We just need to get in there."

"I know."

It was suddenly very quiet. Ashley pulled her pistol its weight providing some comfort as she tried to keep the fear at bay. She heard the Krogan's deep baritone in a hushed voice.

"I have failed my Battlemaster."

"We haven't failed yet. Who do you think taught her to fight. Do you have faith in your Battlemaster?"

The Krogan looked offended.

"Of course."

"Then have faith in her."

The Krogan nodded and slammed his fist into his other hand.

* * *

_I'm dying…again. I wonder if this is what it felt like before. It would be so easy to just close my eyes and let it end. NO. I must complete my mission first._

She watched the Asari. She felt the pain fade as she focused on the wounded animal before her. The Asari didn't look good. She'd only taken a few steps backwards before she crumpled to the floor. She allowed herself to slowly slide down the wall until she was sitting on the floor. She looked around for her pistol. She spotted the Asari's Carnifax and slid towards it. She knew from experience that bending over would result in either vomiting or unconsciousness. It felt like an eternity before she reached it.

She barely felt the weapon in her hand. She could feel the numbness spreading through her body. She lifted the pistol. She didn't have much time left.

_At least I get to hurt him before I die._

She carefully aimed for the Asari's head.

* * *

Jack had returned to her original position against the wall_. Is she_ pr_etending she doesn't care or is she really that indifferent?_

Ashley rocked on the balls of her feet she felt the nervous energy flowing through her limbs.

Tali broke the silence.

"I got it."

Ashley lifted her pistol as the doors started to open she heard the sound of a weapon firing. She witnessed a human woman's head blossom into an explosion of blood, brains, and bone. She moved into the room checking for threats and searching for the Asari as Garrus jumped down from the vent.

"Good job Vakarian."

The words were said idly as she approached the prone Asari. It took her a moment to identify the lilac stains upon the floor as blood.

"Liara!"

She knelt down and rolled her over.

"Oh God…."

She could hear Tali crying. She checked for a pulse and let out a breath as she turned to those crowding around her.

"She's still alive, get Chakwas."

Jack ran to get the doctor.

Ashley started unbuckling the Asari's armor. She moved it aside to get a better look at the wound. The human applied pressure to stem the flow of blood while Garrus approached with some medi gel.

"You held your own against the Butcher of Torfan. I was impressed before, but now I have to admit you're his equal. You're as pigheaded as our Commander. Now hang on, I don't know if I can handle losing another friend. If that's not enough, then remember you need to be there when he wakes up."

Ashley could count all the times she'd cried in her adult life on one hand. She would need to use two hands from now on.


	23. Chapter 23

**_A/N: Soooo...I wish I could say I have been slaving over this chapter, but the reality is different. I have finally made the leap from console gaming back to PC Gaming and got really caught up in playing Hotline Miami...oh and Dota 2. Sooo yeah...it wasn't until reading the most recent chapter of Glacial Fire from Owelpost that I realized I needed to pull my head out my ass and write a chapter. So her you go a chapter motivated by self derision and loathing...as always hope you enjoy and promise to try to keep my shit together at least until the end._**

* * *

Anyone looking into the room would assume the human was staring at the floor ignoring the injured Asari that lay in the bed before her. A closer look would reveal vacant eyes staring from underneath her slightly bowed head. Shoulders slumped forward as if a heavy burden was perched upon them. A hand restlessly twirled the small cross that hung from her neck. She sat still listening to the silence. The door opened and she listened to the soldier as he moved to stand against a wall. She didn't look up or acknowledge his presence.

"You're living up to your family name."

"You're an asshole."

"I may be an asshole, but I'm telling the truth. You left the 212 in your rearview before their bodies were cold. The Williams name is synonymous with cowardice."

"Fuck you."

"Speaking of Fucking how does it feel knowing that you drove him into her arms?"

"Fuck off."

"You're a traitorous bitch Williams. I see who you really are...You left the 212 behind, me on Virmire, Shepard on the Normandy, Liara on the Citadel, and even Tali…you little sister. You turn your back on people Williams. Where's your real sister? You remember the one you had come to the Citadel and then left her to die?"

"That's bullshit."

The laughter pushed her anger to its boiling point.

"Bullshit is how you got promoted to Lt. Commander. Did you smoke Anderson's stogie too? Do you think Udina made you a Spectre, because you're exceptional abilities on your knees or just to spite Shepard? Nearly getting Liara killed shows your promotion was obviously not based on skill or merit. It's a fucking rookie mistake to not clear the damned vents."

"Don't you think I know it was an NFG mistake? I don't need you fucking berating me over it."

"Your mistakes always get people killed. Did you even give your own sister a second thought?"

Ashley let her head fall once more as she felt the tears slide down her face.

"Oh God, Sara I'm so sorry….I'm sorry."

"Sorry doesn't cut it anymore."

"I'm sorry…so sorry."

_She looks so…fragile. I never thought I would use such a word to describe her. What thoughts weigh so heavily upon her that even her sleep is unsettling? _The human sat with slumped shoulders and her head slightly bowed as her chest rapidly expanded and contracted. The Asari took note of a hand curling into a fist and then unfurling, the action repeating over again. _It is as if the constant movement could alleviate her burden. I have learned the true cost of leadership. Few know what means to live with the consequences of command…the lives carried upon ones shoulders and the deaths within the heart._

_Why is she here? She has always sought solace in her profession. After Kaiden she devoted herself the maintenance of every piece of equipment on board the Normandy. How many times had she sought comfort by the light of her workbench while a member of the crew was in surgery? Each death and injury a reminder of everyone she has lost._

_We have stood upon the precipice of the cataclysm and fought our way through to the other side. We have emerged into a world of new possibilities. What worries still plague her valiant heart? _

_I have been selfishly focusing all my energies upon Shepard. I may have overlooked the suffering of my friends in my own despair. I must do better._

She shook her head and tried to sit up only to feel the painful tug of scar tissue and the acerbic stab of torn flesh. She grit her teeth and managed to bite back a groan.

The soldier's eyes remained closed as tears began to fall, but her lips moved with whispered words. Liara leaned closer to hear the echoes of the woman's dreams. A single work unshackled from the bondage of her tongue.

"I'm sorry."

Liara placed a hand upon the soldier's arm. The woman immediately bolted awake at the contact and looked around as if she'd been caught in the commission of a crime. Her eyes focused on the Asari's face and she pulled away running a hand down her face wiping away the tears. She quickly jumped to her feet and began striding towards the door.

"I should really let the Doc know you're up."

Liara ignored the pain as she moved to a seated position careful to cover herself with the sheet.

"I don't mean to pry, but why are you sorry?"

The human stopped. She stood still facing the door.

"What no questions about your injuries or your daughter?"

Liara shook her head.

"What do you know of Illium?"

Her back to the Asari she answered.

"Illium is off limits to Alliance personnel. It's a planet of wealth built upon the trade of anything and everything."

"I have known loneliness throughout my life, but it was palpable there. It is a place where loyalty is another commodity to be sold on the open market. I learned to treat my own wounds lest people sense my weakness. I knew the extent of my injuries even as I removed the blade from my abdomen. As for my daughter, I still feel her being shifting within me. The intricacies of the Asari nervous system allow us additional sensory perception within our bodies. So I ask again…Why are you sorry?"

"What am I sorry about?"

The human lifted her head and looked at the ceiling as a hitch in her voice could be heard.

"I'm sorry that I told my sister to go to the Citadel. I'm sorry that I left her there while I went to war. I have moved forward as if she were nothing to me. It wasn't until Kaiden pointed it out in my dream that I realized how callous I am. I left the 212 to die, Kaiden…"

The human's muscles tensed and Liara could hear her trying to keep the tears at bay.

"My loyalty has only been to the Alliance and myself. The Alliance decided that Shepard was dead gave me a promotion and a pat on the head. What did I do? I went along with it. I turned my back on you. I want my sister at my side while I recover on the Citadel, then I leave her to die…Kaiden's right…I'm a coward. I don't even have the courage to mourn my sister. I can't even admit that I …that I…I got…."

The human's shoulders fell as her body convulsed with her sobs as her knees buckled and she fell to the floor. Liara ignored the pain and pulled herself from the bed. She found a robe on the chair the human had vacated. She wrapped herself in it as she shuffled towards the crumpled form. She grit her teeth holding back the pain and nausea. She wrapped herself around her friend providing comfort. She rubbed the human's back as she softly whispered.

"It is not cowardice to do what we must to move forward. We did not have time to mourn our losses...we were trying to save so many more."

Liara sat in the middle of the room holding the human woman as she cried. Eventually the human had fallen asleep with her head in Liara's lap.

"I will scour the galaxy until I learn your sister's fate. If she's alive or dead…it does not matter. I will give you peace."

Liara hummed quietly to herself as she stroked the human's hair.

_Interesting…hair textures appear to vary as much as skin color among humans. _


End file.
